1/21/14

I haven’t been on here for a while. A lot has happened. My old habits are coming back, some of them. Like me taking pills… still cutting, being alone, pretending to be happy, thinking a little bit about death, more flash backs. I cant sleep that much anymore with out taking something and even then its a nightmare. The place I was supposed to go to this place my mum picked out. It was for eating disorders. I don’t really have one, if you think eating your feelings is an eating disorder then sure. But they didn’t except us because of insurance issues. So now I’m stuck in this group therapy. It is terrible. This one girl was really nice though, but I’m the second oldest there. All of the other girls seem healthier than me. Like they have scars. I have fresh cuts. They all are in good shape. I’m over weight. The list goes on and on. Also my mum took away all my electronics except my phone. I’ve been trying to write by hand, but its not the same as writing on here. I actually got in trouble by some teacher in school for writing on here. They know they cant stop me and I understand there concern, but come on. Its not like I haven’t hear most of the bullying stuff before, so don’t pitty me. I’m trying to take everyday at a time, but its all starting to feel like a blur. I do want to do one thing exciting though. I want to go to a concert soon. That’ll be fun! Maybe make a documentary. Something different; that might have a bigger affect on people. I don’t know I’m still thinking about it. I just want to do something! Getting trapped in a box and it getting smaller n smaller all the time makes it hard to breath and live. Alright, I’m going to go. Have a beautiful winter day.

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