So its official. I am severally depressed… and becoming suicidal. Shit! I’m more pissed at myself than anyone else and that just makes me want to self harm or disappear more. I have family therapy today and that’s going to be a joy…not! Its all started last night. I have having an okay night, with a bit of a headache though. So I left my blanket out in the living room and when into my bedroom. I was cutting when my Mom knocked on my door and came in with out me even saying for her to. So I had to hide the blade immediately. I also had to put pressure on the cuts too. I was overwhelmed and scared. Being caught off guard like that was the cherry on top of my cake! I had been having two good days of no cutting, but now its all going down hill. So she puts my blanket on my bed. She says “hand it over” and tries to find what I’m using it cut. I told her to “back the fuck up or else”. I was not in the mood and I knew she was going to make me want to cut more. She should have just left but instead she took the hinges off my door. I have no door. I don’t care. I told her I would cut in front f her if she wanted. I know that’s a sick thing to say but I don’t care anymore. I’m numb. Completely. Whats real and fake I have no clue anymore. All I am; is slowly disappearing. It doesn’t matter if I go to a hospital or some where else. They wont be able to make me feel number like last time. I’m too far gone to be found.
My best friend Marcus sent me this picture last night. Hes like my brother. Technically he is my brother. I love him so much and I don’t know what id do with out him.