50th birthday came and went but left behind a bit of a train wreck. Depression? Anxiety? Mental exhaustion? Whatever it is, it seems to be pulling me down. I have to wonder if its the physical limitations that are going with turning 50 that are part of the cause. Knees ache daily and it’s inhibiting the things I enjoy doing (I’m quite physically active). Docs say arthritis is setting in…oh joy.
Still, I have to think there is more to it than that. I’m truly tired of being around people all the time, they exhaust me. Seems like everyone takes a piece of you until there is almost nothing left, and when you get down they don’t understand because you’re always the one everyone counts on. Sigh…seems to wear me down more and more each day.
My poor girlfriend, the sweetest lady and love of my life, is at her wits end I think. Her solution is turn to God…that just doesn’t work for me. I used to have a good friend I could confide in, but he has had some very bad times pop up in his life lately so I’m pretty much flying solo. I have my dogs, who actually give me a great amount of comfort: Unconditional love and compassion. We, as a species, should learn from that.
Not sure if I’ll keep at this journal but it seemed like a good idea for just unloading and trying to straighten my own thoughts out. We’ll see.