Hating things.

I am coming here from OpenDiary, the diary site that has held my heart and soul in a nonjudgemental environment for the last few years. Today, by shear fate, I found out that OD is shutting down. Because of this, I have spent the better part of my evening searching out a new home for my thoughts. Along the way I saw a few other OD family members doing the same thing, starting their lives over. It’s a bit scaring having your entire collection of literary expression uprooted in one swing of the axe and even scarier watching others go through the process and seeing them root themselves so far away from each other. My family has been torn apart and relocated all over the place and I am terrified without any of them here to guide me to a safe place to begin again.

Amazingly, though, I am able to see good in this experience. It is another chance to start over, a chance to be independent from those with which I sought refuge for so long, a chance to meet others and reexperience a welcoming embrace from a new community.

Okay, I have to cut the crap.

I hate this.

I hate that, even though I downloaded my entries, I feel as though every moment I spent writing thos entries was wasted.

I hate that the feeling of accomplishment for writing must be relocated because it’s certainly gone now.

I hate that OD did not have financial supporters that could stop this.

And I hate that I could not stop this.

But mostly I hate that I will probably never interact with the diarists I have come to love.

I specifically hate that I will probably never talk to Anna again. I really did love her as much as polite internet friends with glaring life- and personality-similarities can love one another.

It hurts. I hate this feeling in my stomach, in my chest, in my heart. I just hate this all.

<SElisabeth>

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