First of Many & Forbidden Love..x

So, not the best start to my new online journal, I just wrote a whole box full of writing out and then lost, literally gutted I had pretty much written a dissertation out =//. I suppose a good way to start this off would be to say why im here, well, I suppose you could say I am waging war. That’s right, war against this god awful illness that everyone overlooks because they can’t physically see it- Depression. I also struggle with other things such as Paranoia and Anxiety. Some of you and rightly so, if you are still reading are more than likely thinking, WTF, is is this chick on about and how on earth is writing a Journal going to help with that….

…..When I was younger I can’t really remember how old I would guess I was between 14-17 I discovered that my Mum had gone into my bedroom while I had been out and had been reading my diary. I was devastated I poured my heart & soul into that little black book, and, like any teenager I had my fair share or secrets from my parents. I don’t know if any of you have ever experienced that lose of control that feeling that someone has breached your inner sanctum the one place that you felt safe and secure, if not, well I can tell you it’s horrible. I remember their being a mixture of emotions anger, upset, hurt, resentment etcc.. So my theory here is that I want to try and move on from those bad feelings and once again start a diary, this is because I miss it, i’ve always thought about starting one again but never had the balls for fear or a repeat situation, (Yes, she still does it and I am now 23) so what could I do? Well one thing my mum is useless with is the internet and so she would never be able to find this in a million years!! =) But mainly I miss being able to write things down, for me I find this slightly therapeutic, like putting thoughts and feelings down in text is getting it off my chest and out of my head.

So, I guess all that’s left for me to do now is formally welcome you to the world of my chaotic ramblings…

Here’s the first one for you, do you think you can fall in love with someone you have only had a handful of encounters with, a relative stranger really? Well now I do and I think it has happened. She is literally the most perfect example of the feminine form I have ever seen with the most stunning personality. Her skin- flawless, her eyes- stunning, the smile- mesmerizing, the figure- perfection, her personality….the most beautiful I have encountered in a women as yet. She is literally stunning, amazing tattoo’s covering her body, piercings and colourful hair…there isn’t a look in the world this women can’t rock. Unfortunately I have the worst luck in the world and always end up falling for girls who are either taken or straight =/…I know im stupid, she’s engaged to be married in July and the man she is marrying. Well, lets just say there’s no wedding crashing coming from my direction, I have never looked at two people and thought they where more perfect for each other than I do these two. <3

So if anyone has any advice for getting of ridiculous school girl crushes such as this one then that advice will be welcomed and acted upon where possible.

So recently on Netflix I have got into Criminal Minds. I have one things to say that I have learnt from this…..GIRLS WITH GUNS ARE FUCKING SEXY. I was going to insert pictures here but the computer kept messing up and it looked rubbish so I thought skip that, and besides or your a man, lesbian, or even just a women who can appreciate an attractive female…you know what i’m saying. ;D

Now as I get on with dribbling over Agent Prentiss and that incredible bum she has, I will leave it there for tonight. Besides which I could talk for England so if I don’t stop we will be here all night!! Peace out people, stay safe… <3 xx

Goodnight Journal 😉 xx

3 thoughts on “First of Many & Forbidden Love..x”

  1. I might sound crazy to you, but I’d tell her. Regrets are persistent on the mind. You don’t want to regret it down the line if you truely love her.
    I’m not saying try and break the two apart, but to be honest with yourself and her. Then move on. The love bug will bite again.♡

  2. Seeing as this written over a year ago, I hope you found away to deal with the issue. I personally would have told her but also had let her know that i’m not trying to get in between her and her fiance, that you just needed her to know so you could move on.

    But I understand a lot of the issues you go through as well, I suffer with depression, trust and abandonment issues.

    But I enjoyed reading your post. I felt as if you were being honest and allowing a little piece of you to be seen (which is something i struggle with). I hope you are still on here and have written more, because I wish to learn more about you and see these pieces of yourself you allow us to witness.


    Destiny 🙂

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