Thoughts

I wish I was happy being with you, but I’m not anymore. Yesterday was our 5 month and seriously, it was just alright. We spent the day together, shopping and working out…. but fighting last night was the worst, especially when I was a sober Sally. I don’t mean to come off as a bitch when I say this, but all I want is to be the girl in this relationship, but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel spoiled like I should be… and spoiled does not always mean hundreds of dollars worth of material things, it just means maybe some flowers on Valentines day, or some flowers after we fight one night, or waking up to some sort of surprise, or just one entire day where I’m not driving you around. I know some things are beyond your control, like you don’t have a car or you don’t have a lot of money, but I just feel like I’m the guy in the relationship, buying you things to make up for fights, taking you out for lunches, driving you to work and your soccer games. When am I going to get a little something? I don’t feel like buying me one drink downtown will make up for it all. I just want to be a girl… your girl.

Why am I so unhappy? I thought you were the love of my life. My friends often ask me if we’re in love, and I just tell them that I don’t know. Honestly, I have no idea. Even though we say we love each other sometimes, it seems so stupid. Do I really love you? Do you really love me?

I’m sitting here having the worst day ever, contemplating all of this, and all I want to do is start drinking. I’m so sad and lonely and it doesn’t feel right with you right now. I’m so sad. I don’t know what all these thoughts mean…

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