In love with the wrong guy

There’s days when you think you have everything under control, but then you realize you were only lying to yourself and to everyone else that you love. I hate this confusion to my feelings, they suck. It’s to the point where you want to cower and hide because sooner or later no matter what you try to do to hide, or get rid of these feelings but newsflash it doesn’t happen. Denial is the worse thing to have or to do. So I guess the only thing that I can do right now is admit what’s been on my mind for a while, not a long time I suppose or I don’t know, I told myself I wouldn’t like him. It be wrong on so many levels, and I would ruin friendships. Some would say that you can’t choose who you fall in love with or fall for in general, but what if you do. You’re the one who hung around them so much, you’re the one who thought of unrealistic scenerios in your mind how you could see yourself dating. Then when you start to notice these weird feelings rising to the surface you freak out. In fear of falling for the guy who you didn’t want to fall for in the first place. But now it’s time for me to stop pushing it down and shoving things to the side. I LIKE NOAH! Yes, happy now. I admitted that I like him, kill me now please. I mean it’s probably just a crush, but I can’t think about him that way because  my friends are all in love with him. And believe me when I say this, I would be the last person he’d fall for trust me. I’m not the thinnest, and or prettiest either. I mean I have a personality of two different people. A total bitch, but a very caring person. He falls for the girls, who I don’t really even know his type actually. He is actually still in love with his ex Casey. But I think he’s getting over her. She’s showing no interest. Even the smallest chance of him actually being interested in me I would never ever go through with it, or even consider it. You want to know why? Because my friends will forever and always rank first, and of course my family. But no guy is worth it. Even though he’s different than most guys, I wouldn’t deserve a guy like him, even if it isn’t him. A guy like him or his type would never fall for someone like me in general. I’m to complicated, I’m to me. I have no type of guy that will actually like me, because all I am in any guys eyes is this girl who’s very independent and intimidating. Yes those are peoples exact words, or in other words they fear me. I know that’s a great thing. NOT! I just miss that feeling when you have that one person you can confine in, and love with all your heart and trust them so much. I have a fear a relationships. This is why I see a therapist. But the moral to this entry is to finally admit ‘out loud’ that I like Noah!
Til next time!

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