Numb

Numb, that’s all I feel right now. As much as I want to be happy, laugh and smile truly, it rare that I can actually feel that way. If I feel something even close to…happiness its always short lived. I don’t know what I wanna really do with my life. I have many different interest, but I don’t know what would be the right thing for me. I’m 16, about to be 17 in two months, a junior in high school, cant get into a four year straight out of high school, because of is dumb ass move I had.

And all I know is that I wanna get away.

Be out on my own.

I know it wont be easy. It never is, but I don’t like people.

People do nothing but hurt me and put me down, I don’t need anymore of that in my life.

I just want to be left alone until I can finally find myself again.

I’m in a relationship that I don’t want to be in, that I do really even care for anymore, but I don’t wanna end it because he is a nice guy…in some ways.

Yeah he’s really judgmental, and that’s the last thing I need to add onto the stress that I’m already feeling.

I shouldn’t feel like I cant tell my boyfriend anything because he will do nothing but judge me and look at me as this fucked up girl that everyone things is the biggest, meanest bitch alive just because hey wont take the time and try to get to know the real me instead of looking at the pain on my face and walking away.

I thought he was different, but in reality he is the same and I cant deal wit that. It was most likely a mistake getting with him, but it too late for all of that now.

All I can do is end it and hope that things can go back to normal. I don’t wanna bring anyone down just because I don’t know how to deal with difficult situations in my life. I don’t know how to control my emoions. So from now on….

I’m going to stay numb.

Ill feel less pain that way.

 

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