Where shall I begin.
You may noticed I’ve been inconsistent with posting new entries week by week or day by day per say.
Welp, Life and its circumstances has been getting the best of me lately. I eagerly MUST get back on track. My mind is all over the place and I honestly no longer feel like myself. I quietly crying out through my actions for help, I need someone to listen, who will not judge me, can console me and tell me everything will be okay, dont give up. The is a small thing to a giant ( but Im going through a phase in my life I’ve never experienced ) Im currently 27 and its just now happening to me. Its scary, dark and lonely. I feel trapped in a way. As if Im stuck in confinement and I’m waiting to see if someone would care to save me. It’s sad to say but I’ve been looking for a male figure to save me. I dont know why I want a boyfriend so desperately. I don’t need one because if I would get one I wouldn’t know what to do with it anyone. I would need a manual of some sort.
As a result of not having a boyfriend. I find myself drinking excessively, often daydreaming, partying, and wide awake at night time breaking daylight and drinking coffee all day at work. Whats going on with me? I’m becoming someone that I am not!
I feel myself slowly drowning into depression. I have no real close friends that I can depend on, although I do have friends I don’t consider anyone a close friend at this point in my life. I’ve learned to not trust anyone through previous broken friendships, so I don’t share personal information with just anyone or for that matter with anyone. I wish I can afford a therapist someone who can listen to my problems and give me advise before this becomes worst. I don’t want to blame anyone for my inverted insanity but I’m beginning to think its me.
I’ve be living by myself for about 2 years, I have no kids, no boyfriend and no pet. I get lonely alot! My mind drifts off into lala land when I’m home; so Im trying to figure out what to do in my spare time. I believe I need to invest in some sort of project before I slump into depression mode. I can foresee it and I would like to prevent it before it happens. (sighs) Im going to try to get some sleep right now, hopefully I can get at least an hour or two before work. Until we meet again.