Abstinence.

Abstinence!

In September, I had applied to the District Court for

a divorce from the childrens’ father after four years of

separation. David & I purposed to’abstain from sexual

contact, out of a desire to give ourselves clear ground

on which to build our forth coming marriage. It wasn’t

made out of religious guilt or self-righteous fervour, but

just a simple desire to make a life built on better things

other than the”desires of the flesh!”

We did not however, change our sleeping arrangements

preferring ‘temptation to be intimate’ rather than sleeping

alone! Our love had begun in an environment of intimacy –

and we didn’t want to kill that!! At work, the number of

Kindys and schools in our schedule, had increased and

it was getting to ‘not be fun anymore.’ At the end of our

work days, we had only enough energy to shower, cook,

eat, then sleep till just after lunch.

So we worked at abstaining and though we sometimes

had an enormous battle with temptation, there was also

a kind of sweetness in the pain of denial. We already

knew that we were good together; and that this was

actually a gift of promised exclusiveness to each other.

A promise which needed no other witnesses but ourselves.

************************

A Summer Wedding – Pt 1

The date was taken from my favourite book in the Bible,

“The Song of Songs.”

Chapter 2: verse 12″.

“The flowers appear on the earth,

the time of singing has come,

and the voice of the turtledove

is heard in our land.”

So, we were set to marry on the 2nd of December: only, it didn’t happen!

And it didn’t happen because, though David’s divorce had come through

in May, he had received a copy of the receipt for the divorce,(which his

ex-wife had sought, and paid for), and he had presented that to the

registrar, as proof of his divorce having been formalised. He found it

unbelievable that a receipt was not acceptable as proof of divorce!!

I was OK, because my divorce had been registered with that particular

courthouse just the week before when one of the judges at that court, had

granted my “decree ni si”. So, we had to put off getting the license, for the

following week, because it takes a week or so to process these papers;

but that meant that we were not going to be married on the 2nd.

‘I was ropeable!!’

We would have to change the wedding date to the 10th, a week later than

we had planned. That caused ructions all over the place!! Davids’ mother,

Lillian had been preparing to give us a reception at her place. She had the

plans all drawn up and everything ready to go, then we called her and told

her the date had been changed. She was disappointed, and rightly so.

Our son Dylan, had already booked tickets on the over-night train from

Auckland to Wellington especially, to be at the ceremony. He was NOT

pleased, to be informed of the changes so late in the day, because he

would not be able to change his work arrangements, therefore, he would

not be able to attend.

I didn’t have the heart to tell anyone why the wedding had been re-set to

happen a week later. I was just mad that everyone, myself included, had

been put out just because the groom couldn’t be bothered to check that

he had all his papers in order!!

I had asked him just that question when I was going about, getting all of

my papers ready to take to court, for my own divorce.

The results were still the same, a 27 year old semi-incompetent!! And a

41 year old woman working full-time, with 2 teenage daughters, a home to

manage and 5 cats, has no time at all for semi-incompetence. Having said

all that, he’s come a long way since! We still have hiccups, things are not

perfect, but who wants perfect! Competence would be nice, and there is

a whole lot of that about, now. I am so proud of how much he has learned,

how far he has come. He’s my own personal McGiver!

 

 

TBC – Emmi

 

 

 

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