music and sunny dreams

Today was a beautiful day, granted it wasn’t all that warm. It was sunny, though, and that has to count for ¬†something good right? Anyway today was a pretty good day. I really want this to be the best summer I have ever had and that’s saying something because my previous summers haven’t exactly gone at all as I had planned. This summer my goal is to never get enough of the water. If I were a mermaid I would be happy for life. Who doesn’t dream to live in the water like a fish. Or a mermaid if they actually existed but apparently they don’t.

Music is my life. I love it. What I love is discovering music that I have never heard of before and instantly connecting it. Poetry has always been my life. Sometimes I will just dream of a whole bunch of words. It’s amazing how a few simple words can all have such a powerful meaning.

Today I waited for my sister to get off work and then we went grocery shopping. It doesn’t sound fun but I recently broke my ankle and had to have surgery on it, so it’s a relief just to get out of the house. On a brighter note i’m supposed to get my cast off on the twenty fifth so I only have a week left thank god. I think I would just about go crazy if I had to have this stupid thing on any longer than that.

Not a day goes by that I don’t miss my mom though. I’ll never say it but it frustrates me when my sister talks about her because I sometimes think that if I don’t think about her then it won’t hurt as much. I have been to way more funerals than weddings. I know that people die and that’s just a part of life. I’ve tried to push people away at times because when they leave I know that it will hurt the most if you grow attached to that person.

However, everytime I look in the mirror I just see my mom. People use to see me and her out and public and ask us if we were twins. I just miss her more than words could even describe but what is there to do?

I get in this depressive state a lot and wish I could just give up. I cant. I have to be stronger than that. Even though most of the time I don’t want to. I just want to let go and jump over the edge. Most of the time life just seems so meaningless. I guess I just wish life were easier but as they say the hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it.

I just hope my life will be meaningful some day. I hope my life will mean something to someone out there. It’s a big world so how likely is that to even happen? Well that’s it for tonight.

XOXO WhiteLies

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