I no longer know what to do about this incessant feeling- I just can’t shake it. I log into Facebook and if I see she has commented on someone else’s status but she hasn’t mine I feel that twinge of jealously which fills me with an unmistakable sadness. It’s like I know that me and her can never happen but deep down she is all I want. Why can’t my head accept that that’s impossible? Whatever I do and wherever I go- she is on my mind, I feel like I literally can’t escape her. It’s like i’ve been in-snared in the most vile of traps, one that tightens the more struggle to be free. Her tattoos feel almost as imprinted in my memory as they are onto her skin, I find myself wondering how she shaves her pussy, as I imagine how perfect she would look laid out naked on our bed, the bright colours on her body and in her hair highlighting the perfect pale tone of her skin.. I look in her eyes and see perfection beyond the realms of my imagination, but in those momentary seconds I come the closest to heaven I could ever feel.
I suppose if im honest with myself she’s the real reason my piercing obsession began, I feel this incessant need to talk to her? Maybe not even so much talk just be around her be in her presence I feel she radiates an air of calm and kindness that, there’s just something that’s makes me want to be constantly around her. I want to know what she does when she goes home after work and snuggles up on the sofa, how she moves, and what she looks like when she wears her slobby chill out clothes, the little quirks she has that make her so perfectly unique.
Sometimes I consider in a moment of madness walking into the studio and telling her the truth, but there’s two versions of that daydream. In my fantasy version we are talking out the back and she explains she knew all along but was scared to leave her husband, suddenly the state between us intensifies and she leans and kisses me, I don’t imagine sex here but just a lot of intense kissing that goes on for ages as the que builds outside the door. The burning passion is almost to much to cope with… But. The realistic version she flips out and it goes terribly wrong and we never speak again.