Hope

So I met this guy.

He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of, as cliche as that sounds. We’ll call him Bob(he knows I have a blog and I know he’ll try to find my entries so this makes it less obvious at a glance).  I’ve been into tall, older, athletic guys… But every one that I’ve previously dated has been the biggest douche ever. None of them were gentleman, not a single one. But Bob is different. When I met Bob he was home for 6 months. He’s a professional baseball player. He leaves for 6 months of the year to play with his team and then comes home for the other 6 months. (I can’t tell you how many times I have joked with my friends about how I’m determined to meet and marry a professional baseball player.. Because I play softball and it would be just perfect!!!) Anyways, Bob was working and helping with hitting lessons at the facility I hit at. My hitting coach(a retired professional baseball player) introduced us.. somewhat… When I saw Bob I was just in awe. He’s GORGEOUS. He’s 6’2″ with dark hair and he’s very muscular. He’s got a tattoo and honestly the best personality. He’s a complete smart ass and so am I. We clicked instantly. He would constantly pick at me but I was always able to fire it right back at him. It was great.

Bob and I started texting not too long after we met, probably a month or so. The only bad thing was that he was leaving for spring training in less that two weeks after we started texting. He and I hung out a few times before he left. The bad thing was, I had a boyfriend at the time.. Him and I were already on the outs and I had already been wanting to get rid of him before I ever met Bob… But since Bob was about to leave, I knew I had to kiss him. So I dumped the boyfriend I had and hung out with Bob the next night. I know it sounds bad and almost slutty but that guy never paid for anything… He was practically the girl in the relationship and I couldn’t deal with that. I need a man. Someone who is going to take care of me and pay for my stuff rather than the other way around. And since Bob was just so dreamy(literally what I’ve always dreamed of) I knew I had to kiss him to see if it would even be worth keeping in touch with him while he was off playing baseball.

We hung out a few nights and nothing happened. We would just talk, which wasn’t a bad thing because I truly enjoyed every second of it. It was so nice just getting to know someone knew, someone who drew in so much interest from me. But then the last night he was home before he had to leave, we hung out. That night was by far one of the best nights of my life. We just hung out. He drove me around in his sexy truck and we sang to songs and played freeze out and just the stupidest things but it was honestly so much fun. As the night grew later, we just sat and talked… and flirted. When I had to leave though, he kissed me. (It wasn’t just one kiss, it was an amazing make-out sesh) And I know what I’m about to say is so unbelievably cliche, but sparks flew the moment our lips touched. Call me crazy but I’ve never experienced something so amazing and so breathtaking in my entire life. I’ve kissed other guys and I’m not a virgin but I’ve never experienced a feeling like that one. I don’t know if he felt it too, but I definitely don’t want to ask. He’s 22 and I’m 18. I don’t want to be that clingy little girl back home. When Bob and I talk, I feel way more mature than 18. I feel like myself. The only thing I can’t do is pour my heart out to him.

The thing that got to me the most that night were these words that came out of his mouth. He said, “I don’t date a whole lot of girls. Girls don’t typically get that baseball is a priority for me, but you do. You understand that it’s my job and it’s so cool that you support me and can handle me leaving for 6 months out of the year. I really don’t want to rush things. I want us to talk while I’m gone and really get to know each other.”

I didn’t expect that to come out of his mouth. I was honestly afraid that hanging out with him alone that he would try to take advantage of me and just get sexual things from me but he didn’t. He enjoyed our talks and singing and stupid things just as much as I did. And I would take that over anything any day.

Bob and I have been texting every day since he left and we FaceTime about every other night. Each day that we talk I feel closer and closer to him. I’m going up to visit him this summer and stay with him and I’m unbelievably excited!! I am keeping up persona.. Hiding how much I like him. I don’t want to tell him how he’s everything I’ve always dreamed of.. How I’ve had crazy dreams that we ended up getting married. I thought I loved my ex-boyfriend but I was wrong. I don’t know what love is. But I don’t know what kind of feeling this is when I look at and talk to Bob. I only hope that this is the kind of guy, or is THE guy I end up with. I know I’m young but I’ve been through a lot. I know what I want. And I want this. I want this to work so badly. I hope it does!

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