Week 5 Journal Entry 5

Today marks 1 month & 1 week since I’ve been with my boyfriend Corey. Even though we are in a long distance relationship. Our love for each other is still standing strong. From Saturday-Wednesday I had no contact with him which made me spiral into a state of sadness. No matter what anyone tried to do to make me happy nothing worked.
All I could do was just cry because of how much I missed him.

Never in my whole life did I ever picture myself being in a relationship with a guy in the military. When I first started dating a guy in the military. I didn’t know the struggles and sacrifices I’d have to make with dating a guy in the military. My first relationship with a guy in the military didn’t really quite work out well because he turned out to be someone totally different from what I remember him. It’s like the military made him into a whole different person. Its like the person I once knew & loved was completely gone. So I then said to myself that I would never date someone in the military ever again but look where I am at. I am once again dating someone in the same branch as my ex-boyfriend he was in the USA Air Force.

Being in a relationship is hard, but being in a military relationship is much harder. There have been many times when I have tried to explain to others the routine my boyfriend and I go through. With many explanations to others about military life, no one understands! I grew frustrated, but finally learned that explaining to others, what I go through is something people will never be able to grasp, unless they have lived it. Being a Milso is something many can’t say they have done before. That very reason, is why many can’t understand the struggles I go through, mentally and emotionally. Being a Milso is an honor, loving someone who is willing to sacrifice his or her own life for the freedom of this country is the title I hold, and no matter what people may think, I can tell you right now that being a Milso is a very tough role to play.

About 1 Month and a week ago I ended up meeting this one guy on a website called Chatous. While talking to him on this website I found out that he was in the USAF (United States Air Force). After what had happened in my last relationship with my ex. I never thought I would date another person in the military let alone the same branch as my ex. But anyways that’s beside the point to be honest with you about 1 month & 1 week ago I met a guy who I very much so fell in love with. His name is Corey and he’s a soldier in the USAF (United States Air Force). I have noticed that while being in a relationship with Corey I have found out that most guys in the military are not douche-bags some actually respect women.

When ever I don’t talk to my boyfriend for a long period of time I start to miss him like crazy. Not talking to him for long period of time I’ve found myself spiraling into an emotional state that I didn’t like seeing myself in. Everyday from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed I would think to myself “How am I still standing Strong?” “Why am I not on my knees in tears because of how much I miss him right now?” “Why am I deciding to put myself through all of this pain of being sad every single day I think about him?” When I think of these specific questions I then start to question my relationship and ask myself “Do I really still wanna continue to be in this relationship?” These are the questions I ask myself when I miss & think about him.

But then I think about the one thing that he told me to always think about whenever I miss him, that way I know he’s with me even though he really isn’t in person. The thing the he told me to think about is my heartbeats. he said “When you put your hand over your heart and you feel every beat of your heart. Think of those beats as me giving you kisses.” When I think of those exact words I then start to calm down and tell myself “Girl you gotta stay strong for him.” All I can say is that my friend noticed that I am very happy with Corey and they also know that I love & care about him very much. So all I need to do is stay strong, know that he misses me and thinks of me as well, not only that but I also need to know that he loves me and cares about me as much as I love him and care about him as well. To be honest I think that I have found the love of my life & I hope that we stay together forever no matter how hard things tend to get in our lives.

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