I can’t feel

Dear diary, I cant feel anymore. I’m to sad to do the things I used to enjoy. I’m to weak to fight but to strong to cry….I’m numb.

When I try laughing it hurts inside. When I try crying tears wont come out… I want to feel something… anything.  I want to know I am alive and here.

I haven’t been a good friend lately …I have let allot of people down and I’m sorry…so sorry.

It’s not my fault, well maybe I could have done more…. am I making excuses for myself ?  I don’t know…I just don’t know anymore.

I can’t think straight… my mind is always in a fog…. where to go from here ?   I have no clue.

Taking it one day at a time has never worked out for me but I will try.

should I focus on getting better ?  or just try getting used to the new me?

Everyday is another opportunity. I want to get better,  I think I can…… I think I will.

I might be ok…. just not today.

View printer friendly version







4 thoughts on “I can’t feel”

  1. It sounds like you are depressed, I was in the same exact place you are right now, and I know exactly how you feel, I’m here to tell you that it does get better. I finally admitted to myself and my family that there was something wrong, and I ended up getting put on medication. The medication made me feel nothing thou so I stopped taking it after 3 months. I learned to control my own feelings, I stopped letting myself feel nothing and I started feeling what I wanted to feel and that was happy. You just need to control your own feelings and not let the fog take over your life, its hard at first, I will be honest about that, but once you take control you will feel so much better. I won’t lie to you, there will still be days that the fog is gonna there and its gonna be a pain in the ass to fight, but if you wanna be happy you gotta fight for that happiness and eventually it will come, I promise. Just stay strong and always remember that the night is darkest before the dawn <3

  2. I met a girl once, she was a poet. She wrote the best poems I had ever read. She lived with her dad, got abused because her dad always wanted a son and all he got was females. She was the eldest and because the dad was in the military, he would make her wake up at 4am and they’d train every morning, make her run 5km’s every day before school whilst he chases her in his car and after school she’d still have to cook and take care of her younger siblings and let’s not forget dishes, assignments and homework each night. She was stronger than most guys in our grade, but still a sweet and humble girl.
    Her poems were sad ones, she had a gift with words. A few of her poems suggested she had tried suicide a few times but failed on all accounts.
    The day she let me read all her poems I asked her to write a happy poem, to write about stuff that makes her smile. From that day, her life has been different. She smiled more often and laughed a few more times a day. She didn’t feel like a tool any more. It didn’t happen overnight, it was a process. But she became driven to make her situation better. Last we spoke she had contacted social workers who were trying to get her out of her abusive situation. This was years ago, we lost contact but I’d like to think she made it out alright. Poetry and how she channelled how she wrote her poems gave her the strength to realise there’s always a way out.

    Moral of the story is try to stay positive and things will get better. It seems your mindset is in the right place. Really do hope things get better for you. – LN.

Leave a Comment: