I dont want to feel this pain anymore. Im too thoughtful to attempt to commit suicide now, so I just suffer everyday with a smile on my face while crying silently to myself….3 years ago I was at my lowest point and tried to kill myself 4 times, and since it never worked out I started burning my arm, it relieved my bottled pains and helped me breathe a little…it took all of my might not to burn my arm last night.. I WAS ABLE TO HOLD BACK FROM SELF HARM WHICH WAS SO HARD FOR ME, IM ABLE TO BE OPTIMISTIC WHEN I FEEL LIKE SHIT, I STILL KNOW HOW TO SMILE, I AM GENUINE TO OTHER EVEN IF THEY ARENT TO ME, I HAVE A KIND HEART, I AM ABLE TO HOLD OFF MY DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS FOR MONTHS, only to come back to the question, why arent I good enough? I used to think if i pretend to be happy then I would really start to be happy…after I noticed that wasnt true, I really tried my best to get out of this state of mind, but everytime I leave it behind it comes back ten times stronger, but I stay strong and keep myself together until I finally breakdown and cry and load my head up with questions.

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