same thing…

Today I feel a little bit inspired.. and not because its a good inspirational day and all that crap, but because I wanted to do something different. Today I went to college like every Tuesday and Thursday, i picked up my boyfriend and everything was the same, every day, every week. This is starting to feel like such a routine in which I don’t wanna be part of… this relationship and this life sometimes make no sense at all. But if any of you individuals out there can tell me why cant I live without him that would be awesome!! Let me explain him to you… he is everything I’ve always wanted and more, he is the whole package of my ideal stylish and skinny guy that I’ve always dreamed of, not mentioning the fact that he is a total sweetheart and treats me like his queen. But…. there’s this feeling inside of me that just tells me that something is wrong… a part of me is just pushing me to think that such a perfect life can not be true.. the other part is just telling me that my 6th sense is aware of something but i do not know what…..

This is why I’m making this diary… to see if writing without sense .. can actually make me make sense. We met in college, it was an afternoon in 2011, I had a non credit college class that I wanted to take, it was called “accent reduction” (yes I do have an accent I’m Mexican!) anyhow, after the longest class of my life it was finally over… I pushed the door open and there she was… one of my close friends from college who wanted to introduce me to some of her guy friends. That’s where I saw him, and I still remember what he was wearing, and I still remember thinking in my head “he is soooo cute” imagine i he could be my boyfriend.. that would be so cool… I bet he has a girlfriend.. he’s too cute 1 I thought I bet he’s gay!! Omg god why???? after all this thoughts were debating in my head we set a group date, we were going to go to the fair next Friday, gran some drinks and have fun together. He didn’t even noticed me, I thought and in fact he didn’t.

We started as friends, but i clearly was very into him because he noticed. And i guess he kind of was into me too because if he wasn’t i think he would’ve just ran away don’t you think? But he stayed, and we dated for a while. I remember coming home with a huge smile on my face telling my mom how amazing he was, I remember telling her about our first kiss and how bad I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend. But I finally decided he was too good to be truth, maybe he was just some player who wanted to bang me. And I was so down for that! I mean… what could go wrong if you speak the truth??

The days passed and I remember people asking me to bring  my “boyfriend” which was very exciting to hear but in the back of my mind the words “he is not your boyfriend” were always there. I was ready to give up, i had just came out of a 4 year relationship to be thinking about getting back on it so soon, but i was crazy about him. crazy enough to change everything for him. so it was a friday night around 9 or 10 pm. march 10th 2012 we were at this party drinking with our friends and he decided he wanted to talk to me… i remember that I had no clue what so ever even though I had dreamed of that moment a billion times. we went outside and i was wearing my turquoise heels that I got for sale the week before, which were very comfortable btw… my best turquoise necklace and of course, my best smile. he took my hand and he finally asked. after an awkward silence and nodding mmmm yes! i said.

have you ever been inside a tornado? well me neither but i am 100% sure that my head was having one that day. i was so unsure of what i wanted. i knew i anted it but now that i had it I realized it wasn’t really what i wanted. Anyhow I decided to give it a try. if you ever ask for a advice from me… i would tell you to take risks.. take all the risks that you can take… it is better to regret something that you did, than to regret something that you didn’t.

 

anyhow I do not know why do i have so many questions about this boy on my head! two years have passed and he still makes me feel butterflies in my stomach.. oh god! why do I have to be so hormonal… am I ovulating???

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