I’ve been through some bullshit recently. I’ve changed a little going through it. I want to be better. Here. Now I will tell you my plan:
1. Eat healthier. This is going to be so hard. Fast food is so good. Healthy food is so complicated. But you know what? Life is fucking hard.
2. Work out. I’m lazy. But my college has a gym fee included in my tuition. I’m not going to waste my fucking money.
3. Keep clean. Does there really need to be an explanation? Really? Cut the shit.
4. Be friendlier. I’m a difficult human. I should just learn to talk to people. But it’s hard. All you loners out there know what I mean. We look at these popular, talkative, outgoing motherfuckers and loathe ourselves.
5. Learn more. I love learning. It’s summer, bitches. Why not catch up on that Dante Alighieri? Why not catch up on those ancient Mesopotamian poems you’ve been meaning to read?
6. Get a job. I need a job. So much so that it pains me. I feel like a loser. And I need money to buy video games, t-shirts, and booze. That I can’t purchase legally.
7. Travel. To quote myself, “it’s summer, bitches.” Time to go see some Native American burial mounds and museums.
8. Listen to more music. There is no greater justice you can do for an album than listen to it from top to bottom. NOT ON SHUFFLE, YOU TECHNOLOGICALLY SAVVY BASTARDS. No, listen to it top to bottom, not on shuffle, with no stops. Engulf yourself in the beauty that your musician of choice has composed for you. I don’t mean these shitty pop, rap, and country artists. Listen to something with depth. Please. I’m begging you. Metallica, Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Rush, Led Zeppelin, ANYTHING. Not Nicki Minaj. It doesn’t matter in what order you hear “Shitted On ‘Em” and “You A Stupid Hoe.” The message is the same going in either direction: straight to the motherfucking toilet.
9. Take some lessons. Guitar Center, here I come. Take my $100/month in exchange for your services. I must play your beautiful drum sets. Bless me.
10. Give 0 shits. Fuck everything that doesn’t give a fuck about you. You deserve more than you think. Unless you think that you’re fucking Franklin D. Roosevelt or Joan of Arc. Then you’re probably an arrogant asshole.
I hope anyone who reads this is able to absorb a smidge of my limited amount of wisdom. Just…be you. If you desire a change, make sure that you truly desire it. Don’t change for others. Change for yourself. Change for the better. No one wants a good kid to turn into an alcoholic druggie with a penchant for non-consensual sex. Do you, unless you’re a potential criminal. I hope someone actually reads this all the way through, but that’s asking a lot.
“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
– May Sarton