Ughh! LIFE

I’m literally having an emotional breakdown AGAIN! I had one yesterday at the same time because of the same person. Leia was “approaching” me yesterday. I went to the bathroom in math hall, and she was there as I was walking out, and I couldn’t help but kiss her as I passed. Later, right before band (3rd block) I ended up kissing her again, and that was my fault completely – I just ran up to her and kissed her, twice. The break between 3rd and 4th, the last break of the day, I had gone on the main stairs to think because I was totally freaking out about the earlier kisses. She was at the bottom, and when she started coming towards me I told her I’d see her today and just walked out on her. Didn’t even say anything when she said she loves me. By the time I got to 4th, I was shaking with anger, frustration, confusion…

Today’s the last day of school, and this morning I woke up mad at myself because I had told on her, but I didn’t tell them the whole truth – I only mentioned her wrong-doing, not mine. I was looking at the story of my life so far, and I realized that this has been only a piece of this hectic chapter. All of it was closed sufficiently, but I wanted to close this chapter with a goodbye with her. So I spent all the breaks looking for her in the halls, somewhere I could talk to her without getting caught. No such luck, of course. So the beginning of fourth, I asked if I could talk to Mrs. Coats, the only person I could think of that I would have even the slightest chance of getting permission to speak with Leia. I even admitted to her that I had responded to her and spoke to her, but she asked Mrs. Hembrey, who decided that it wasn’t right for her to get into trouble for talking to me and then I ask to speak with her. So this chapter feels unfinished, and I fear I may not even be able to finish it next school year. Writing the new chapter of my life that starts this summer is going to be difficult with a seemingly unfinished chapter…

I’m unsure if I’m going to come to school tomorrow or next week. Technically I can, but I’m not sure what I’d be able to do. I suppose I could sit in the office and run errands for them and the teachers, and get on laptop in between, but I’d have to ask… Not entirely sure who to ask, either…

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