Alex

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had never met you…If I would have continued to hide my heart behind a sheet of ice so thick nothing could penetrate it…Or if I would have taken that final leap into euphoric forever sleep…I wonder what would have happened if I had never knew true happiness because of you, if I had never seen your hazel eyes light up, if I had never seen your crooked smile, or played with your long blonde hair…Would I still be me without you, or would I be someone different, beyond recognition, unknown to anyone else…Would you love me then?…I wonder what would have happened if you never called me out, never held my hand, never chased me down…I wonder what I meant to you after everything we did together, after all the nights we spent together lying beneath the stars…Did you go home after we parted and think about me? Or did you pretend I was someone else, someone from your past…Sometimes I wonder if you meant the things you said to me, if you meant the things we did…And sometimes I miss you more than life itself, and thoughts of you keep me sane, keep me from taking that one final leap… I want so bad to reach out to you, just to hear your sweet words, to feel your strong arms encircle me, so you can keep me safe…Sometimes I regret the things I said to drive you away, but sometimes I feel like you needed to know the truth, that you needed to know how you have hurt me and how badly I miss you but can’t bare to touch you…Everyday the temptation to reach for you gets stronger and everyday I find myself crying as memories flood my mind…And I reach for  the poison that rests by my bed to make the pain stop…But it’s only temporary…Sometimes I wonder if you have destroyed me entirely…And sometimes I don’t care if you have, but you are not going to get to read this…You are going to be forever lost to me and you won’t know how I truly feel…And sometimes that thought kills me…

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