As you may have read in my short bio, I am Christian. I believed what I heard, but I didn’t believe like I should have. I spent much of my time trying to avoid church as much as possible, but now I know that by avoiding the church and the Word of God, I was hurting myself.
I tried to run from God. I was attempting to establish my own beliefs. At one point I called myself an Atheist. Later on, I said I believed in a supernatural being, but doubted that it was God. It was hurting me. Every night before I went to bed, even with my thoughts of the ‘unknown,’ I would lay there and pray to God asking Him to not allow me to close my eyes and open them in Hell.
Even though I was trying to tell myself anything I learned as a child wasn’t real, I had the fear that it was. Fear can lead into sicknesses and other health conditions from worrying too much about something. Oh yeah, did I also mention that I was also gay.
I had feelings towards members of the same sex since I was a child. I remember seeing other boys and thinking they were cute. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t know how to stop my mind from seeing it any other way. When someone so young doesn’t know how to deal with something, and they feel no one will listen to what they have to say, what is a child to do? Like many other kids in the same boat, I held it in for as long as I could.
I am a feminine guy. I talk with a little bit of a gay lisp, my arms looks a little girly, and I have a little saché when I walk. These actions were noticed about the time I was in Middle School, and ever since I haven’t been able to shake them.
I, like many other individuals who have same-sex attractions, started to venture out to experience it for myself. In college, I was a recluse and didn’t speak to too many people. During my last three semesters in college, I began viewing online chat sites and hooked up with several guys. I ended up sowing my wild oats pretty quickly.
After college, I moved back home with my parents and brothers. About six months after returning, I met a man and ended up with him for almost four years. I broke it off to get my life right. God was calling for me to be one of his children. I knew my mom prayed for me daily.
Being gay is something Satan wants everyone to believe is okay. He is the master of iniquity. People try to use the Bible to say that being gay is okay, but it’s not. It is a sin, one that can separate you with God. Yes, God can forgive sin, but he will not hear your prayers if you have sin in your life and are consumed by it. Homosexuality is preached against in the Bible. Maybe not directly, but when God says that marriage is between a man and a woman, he means it. The Bible does not contradict itself.
God hates fornication, and from what I saw, even among gay Christians I used to be friends with, it is a prevalent part of that society. Men having sex with men, because their flesh can’t get enough of it. It is unnatural to stick parts of the body into another that is supposed to be used for one thing.
Many may say that God is mean or unfair, but He is a jealous God. He is just, and everything is right by Him. He wants to be the one you lean on in the time of need, the one you pray to for help, the one to give you salvation if you turn away from sin. If you want to become a Christian, get down on your knees and pray for God to forgive you of your sins. Confess your sins to Him so that He will forgive you. Give up ways of the flesh: drinking, smoking, sex, and anything that can keep you from seeing Him one day.
I tried to convince myself several years ago that everything was going to be fine, but I ended up being depressed all of the time, and I was even angry with God. I didn’t think it was fair. As long as you love someone, wouldn’t that have been enough. But we are not the ones to judge God’s authority. He gives us the pleasure to do what we please, but it is our own decisions that keep us away from Him or draw us closer to Him.
God sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins, to pay the debts of our lives so that we didn’t have to endure an eternity of anguish and despair, an eternity in pain. Those who end up in Hell will be forgotten forever. Is that worth it? What is it for a man to gain the whole world, but to lose his soul?
In college, one of my friends told me something he had read, “Would you rather believe in God to die and find out He wasn’t real, or would you rather not believe in God to find out that he is real?”
The choice is yours: Heaven or Hell? Which will you choose?