I Need A Release

I’ve not often considered using any type of “diary” or journal to write down my thoughts, but it’s gotten to a point that I need some type of outlet.  The stress of my day-to-day life has caused me to consider therapy, but just the thought of having yet another financial obligation, not to mention having to squeeze one more thing into my day is enough to make me want to leap head-first off of the nearest tall building.  Please, to any one reading this, (if anyone actually ever will) do NOT think of me as suicidal or unstable.  I have absolutely ZERO intentions of harming myself physically or otherwise.  In fact, I’m deathly afraid of heights, so you’ll never even see my ass anywhere near any place that is higher than 2 inches off the ground.    Now that I’ve clarified this, I can move on.

      Most of my daily stresses come from my home life and the fact that I am the primary care giver for both of my parents.  Being an only child, I’m left with little choice.  While I wouldn’t trade my parents for anything and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to maintain their health and well-being, it becomes redundant and incredibly taxing when they fail to follow doctor’s orders and constantly put themselves in the same, not-so-healthy medical situations.  I’m very conscious of the fact that they raised me and I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.  I’m incredibly selfless and always put others before myself thanks to them, but recently those closest to me, including my boyfriend, have been pushing me to do things for myself.  Which makes me feel incredibly guilty even considering it, while at the same time I also feel like it’s a long time coming.  Hence my consideration to seek professional help.  But being the stubborn person that I am, I’m convinced I’ll be able to sort it all out the old fashioned way, by weighing viable options and attempting to juggle mine and all the worlds problems.  Because that ALWAYS works out well…(And yes, that was sarcasm)  :op


One thought on “I Need A Release”

  1. Well if it makes you feel any better…

    I am going through a lot in my life right now as well. My boyfriend of 3 years and father of our 1 year old daughter just dumped me and made me move out of our home to go be with a girl who’s 18 years old and graduated high school today. He’s 27 years old, I am 23 years old. And this girl just hit 18. So now I am back home living with mom, with a shitty job, and now a single mom. I just think to myself, “I’m only 23, am I already considered too old?” I don’t know. But I didn’t respond to tell you my issues, I responded to tell you that there is always someone out there who has it worse than you. But even if I can’t help, your in my prayers.

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