So I was on this pregnancy forum and realized that I will most likely want to write ALOT more. This is HUGE deal for me. So I decided to make a blog.
As I mentioned on my profile, I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant. According to Dr. Google, I’m around 4 weeks. This shouldn’t be a big shock to me because I’ve been flirting with the possibility of being pregnant for awhile. I’ve never been on birth control and I’m allergic to condoms (so I think), so we’ve been using the pull out method…a lot.
I think I still have a high school mentality because I didn’t think I could ever get pregnant. I didn’t have any symptoms of pregnancy except being tired, having extremely sore boobs (which happens all the time right before my period) and…umm..that’s about it. I had previous scares before but I felt a bit different. I don’t know…I felt like I should test.
So while I was at the Dollarstore, I picked up a cheap test and tested. I was just about to throw it out because it said negative, until I saw a control line! I was like whaaaa. So then I googled up a storm and forums were saying that any line is a positive so I ended up going to the drugstore and getting a legit one. Well… not completely legit but a generic brand that said + and –
When I did that test, the + sign immediately appeared. POSITIVE.
At this point, I’m in shock. I just feel like this isn’t really true and at any moment I’ll be “unpregnant” so I’ve been just googling up everything, reading people’s stories, and trying to think of who to tell this secret to. I told my friend who lives in the States (I live in Canada) and I’ve been frantically reloading my emails awaiting her response.
I don’t want to tell my fiancé yet. I know it sounds bad but I don’t want him to
1) Freak out
2) Start overplanning (he tends to be responsible like that)
3) I don’t want him to get disappointed if I miscarry
Even if we weren’t planning for this, I know that telling him the news will change his behavior 100%. He’ll force me to eat ALOT, he’ll make me stop running and he would get excited and would tell everyone. I’d rather wait till I’m around the 10 weeks mark when I’m certain everything is ok before telling him. I know people generally tell their significant other but I would rather wait.
I will book an appointment with the doctor for next week and ask her opinion about if I can continue running during these next 12 weeks until I hear a heartbeat.
On another note, I’m really excited, scared, sooo happy but yet so nervous.
I’m excited that:
1) We get to have a kid sooner rather than later.
My fiancé and I talked and we discussed that we’d start having kids in about 1.5 years when we’re both 28. Guess we’ll be with child within the first 6 months of marriage!
2) That we’ll have a big happy family
I cant wait to see our little baby that looks and talks like us. I want our little girl to look like me and I want our little boy to look like him. My hubby to be is Vietnamese and I’m black so its going to be a cute mix:) I always told myself that I want a little girl but I just want a healthy baby.
3) For the whole process
The baby bump, holding the baby, taking the baby for walks etc…I cant wait.
I’m scared about
2) That we wont have the chance to travel and experience married life before we get together
I wanted to at least experience having a quiet house and travelling and watching a lot of movies and going out for long strolls holding hands, before we had a baby. Ah well *sigh
As I mentioned before, I’m scared that I’ll miscarry. I have a pretty active lifestyle and I don’t know how to balance being active while still being careful about this baby in my stomach. I just don’t want anything to go wrong.
So anyways. This is my situation at the moment. I feel a bit better writing all this.
One thing that I am feeling a bit weird about is the amount of bloating. My pants feel so tight and my stomach is protruding. I can’t even suck it in!! Also, my boobs are HUGE. It’s borderline inappropriate for my work tops that are usually pretty modest.
Anyways, even if I live at home, I typically stay in my room and sleep/watch movies after work so I think that it will be easy to hide myself from my parents. It will only be apparent if I start throwing up a lot or start acting weird. I also need to stop rubbing my belly. I’ve developed a habit of doing so from all this bloat. Also, I can’t wear my teeny tiny tank tops. I need to start covering up around the house even if its gonna be a hot summer!
Anyways thanks for reading my first post:) Will update soon