Tired of the pain…

Sometimes the amount of pain I feel in my heart and soul is unbearable. The past and present mingling together and mocking me until I am sobbing uncontrollably on the floor. The amount of loneliness I suffer is laughable when I was raised to believe family and friends should be there for each other when someone is in need. I used to believe in all that, now I find myself blinded by the pain and suffering I have felt for so many years that I find myself not knowing what I believe to be true. It appears I have just been one of the unlucky to be given a life with an abnormal amount and tragedies and trials, at a very young age I have suffered more then some feel in a lifetime and yet I push on. I hold on to that shred of hope that one day soon I will make it to a safe place to be happy and rest, my shore of hopes and dreams. As of late though I find myself merely existing among everyone else, I feel isolated and in pain, I feel as I have felt most of my life and wondering why me? Why can’t I just finally have thing be alright and have happiness and not lies of temporary contentment before tragedy strikes again. So I find myself pondering in the early morning hours, will I ever be okay? Will life ever give me a moment to rest and breathe and enjoy the few blessings I have. I have a few wonderful blessings but I am not allowed to enjoy them with the trials I have to face. I must ask When is enough , enough? My aching heart needs a break and my soul could undeniably use a rest. So I send out a prayer, shout out for hope, that the end of this is near and a new beginning is awaiting close by to finally bring an end or at least a break to my suffering.

One thought on “Tired of the pain…”

  1. Just read your post and I feel your pain. I also suffer pain from my past that haunts me still to this day. I have felt alone in places where there are many people (friends & family) and often wondered can they not see the sadness that pours from my soul? Do they really know me at all, or do they even care? I try to do right by everyone, often giving when I don’t have it to give. Its in my nature to treat people the way I want them to treat me. Yet, I can’t seem to let go of things that have happened so I can enjoy the things I have. Just when one situation ends a new one begins. It really wears you down when there is no peace and no escape. I find music to be my best friend at times allowing myself to release my emotions and gather myself for the next go round.

    I pray for you that you too find a new beginning soon and your eyes open to a whole new life that rewards you with many blessings to end your suffering.

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