the tide is receding…

I think John and I both knew the moment I felt like he’s more than a hot dude I smoke weed with and have sex with. I’ve been struggling with my thoughts since about eleven last night.that’s when I knew he knew. Like I sent out some telepathic message already…I over analyze too so who knows.

Long story short I guess I like the guy not like in a hardcore need you obsessive won’t leave him alone type deal but I’m quite comfortable with all the flirty texts. But he does what I refer to as “pulling on my heart strings” I think that he shouldn’t text me every morning and say good morning and I think he shouldn’t text me all throughout the day..I mean yeah I wanted a legitimate friend too but eh idk. Anyways well I feel like today the contact was slowed way down and very just friends ish.  I had asked if he wanted to smoke tonight he said he was busy then but maybe if the time is right.I told him what time didn’t hear back.texted at the time I said I might be free no response. Off course my silly mind wonders if he’s banging someone else because besides my fiance and John aren’t I doing the same? I just happen to favor the conversation, sex, foreplay,.and adventures I have with John over everyone else . I’m trying to focus more on myself to take my mind off of him. Perhaps I don’t even like him I just can’t get enough of his sex. It really is electrifying. I’m trying to get in total shape. Tone my whole body. I’ve also started looking into meditation and chakra I did ten kamikaze push ups I’m going too work out stretch send my positive vibes and focus on bringing the best sexual experiences my way. Forget this silly crush. I think this was a test, would I make the same mistakes again. Indeed, better to squash this if I’m starting to feel it. I just can’t do the talking all day it’s clouding my mind. Right now it can be reversed abd things can go back to normal with no interruption. I don’t wanna stick around to see what could happen cause let me tell YOU I am the girl who always ends up liking the guy who isn’t into her relationship wise or it just would never work out.


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