Bulimia (June 6) Introduction

“Fattie”, “Whale”, “Disgusting”, “Huge”. These are only four of the names I am called on a daily basis. I started limiting my calories to 400 at a maximum each day about a week ago. It’s summer now, so I don’t have to hear as much name calling as I usually would at school. Even my parents are in on it now. “Are you sure you need that second cookie?” Little do they know, that’s the only thing I have eaten all day. I haven’t gotten the guts, (or the privacy) to make myself purge yet. Of course, I’ve only been at this for about two weeks. I weighed 185. I disgust myself. I began limiting my food intake, and this morning I weighed 170. Fifteen pounds in two weeks. Not bad, but I want to lose more. Much more. My goal is to be around 110 when school starts again in mid-August. I am only 5’3″. I can’t wait to see the look on those people’s faces. The guy that called me fat last month… To see the look on his face will be priceless. I know this isn’t healthy. I honestly don’t care anymore. I have spinal fusion done in 12 days… I didn’t think it was that close. This will be the perfect excuse to avoid eating. Once I come to my senses again, I’ll “just not feel like eating.” Even though I have lost 15 pounds, I can’t really tell… I messed up today. This morning, I ate a whole cup of cereal. I can’t believe I did that. I told myself that I wouldn’t eat over a half of a cup… I just couldn’t gather the willpower. I am 14 years old… I guess if I missed anything, I’ll put it in the next post. Thanks for listening. I just needed someone to talk too… Thanks.

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