Right love, wrong time.

Life is funny. I have heard that saying so many times and yet the humor in certain situations escapes me. This is true especially when I think of him. I have this friend and when it comes to him, life is ironic, cruel, funny, frustrating and every once in awhile, almost perfect. Ok, he is more than a friend.  He is quite possibly the love of my life.  Like literally. I have decided to dedicate some of my entries to recording our past and current times together. How long will these entries about us go on? Im not sure. Im hoping one day to give these to him so he will see how important he has always been to me and that I really meant it today when I said I would never be over him.  Now reality… we are not together. In fact, our time actually together as a couple was  young love at its best. A flash of emotion and magic that didn’t last very long and definitely wasn’t completely on our terms.  It was a relationship that I have questioned for so many years because we were so young and inexperienced in life. How could it have been that good?  Besides, I am a completely different person now, that was my conclusion over and over.  Looking back it was a relationship where I was the most myself I have ever been with a man, or any person really. It was before I was jaded by life and love. Before I was numb to hope. I don’t know how but when I am with him now, its the exact same.  We grew the same, we stayed uncharacteristically unguarded to each other. Do you have someone like that in your life? I hope so.  Everyone should get to feel this way. Its different than finishing each others sentences or having the exact same sense of humor. Its knowing you are different but complimenting each other so well its almost scary, because it makes you so vulnerable to them. Its like a drug and when I look at him I smile, my soul smiles. Its crazy awesome. Now, almost 18 years after we first met, married to other people, with kids, separate “happy” lives and the best intentions…we are like magnets. Wonderful, horrible, beautiful magnets.

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