I just don’t know anymore

I have so many emotions about my family it isn’t funny! On the one hand i love my family but on the other hand I am very angry at them for abandoning me when i needed them the most. 3 years ago my son in a bipolar state beat me up and almost killed me. I wanted him to go to jail because i figured it was the only way to get help that he so needed, My sister knew that  but she bailed him out of jail and got him a lawyer and i wasn’t happy about it. 2 days after i got hurt I sent her a picture of my face and she sent me a text that said you aren’t a good mother and you never will be and the next time you end up in the psych hospital which you will don’t call me you are dead to me. She hasn’t talked to me since it is 3 years and I am okay with that. The longer she doesn’t talk to me the more i realize that i can relax about my life. My sister can be judgmental  and it was aimed at me most times! She hurt me so many times with her judgments over so many years. I was never ever good enough for her, I know I wasn’t the sister she wanted but I was the sister she got and she never has ever let me forget the past. One day I hope she realizes how much she has hurt me and will finally see she isn’t the perfect person she portrays her self to be.

My family is so fractured it hurts me to think about. My family are my friends. My friends are the ones who love me no matter what and they don’t judge me or make me feel bad. I just love my friends with all my heart.

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