New dream shattered

Well i thought i was gonna be going to cali. But its a no go. Originaly i was suppose to go to cali to move in with my friend and his gf. Once i got there. I would have my old job back at kmart. Also my dad would of gotten me a ticket to fly to cali. Which he did get me last friday. Well last friday my friend called and said everything was a go. Thought everything was good. But saturday came and talked more with my friend and just wanted to make sure everything was good again. He said yes. Five mins later i get a phone call from his uncle who is my best friend. Saying i cant move in due to the limit of two people living there and visitors can stay for only three weeks. Then i call my friend back saying he was scared to tell me. But he said everything was good. We yelled at him saying you should of told me on friday that i couldnt come there. Cause he did ask his landlord early friday. I would of moved there and been kicked out in three weeks. Plus now with my current turn of events. My dad is mad at me and is out of 850 dollars. Where i live at. I gotta move out i would told. I am trying to find a place to go to live for a while. I tell people i would get a job and such. Cause where i live at now. There is no bus transportation. I dont have a good balance on a bike. Been like that for a while. I dont drive due to a fear of driving. I am living with my mom and aunt. But i was doing odd jobs where i found them. I cant walk due to bad heat waves here. I just wanted to restart my life and move on. I am no dead beat. Just want a break in life. I thought of suicide a lot. Cause i got no one idea what to do next. I have been thinking and failing. Wish i knew the answer. Sometimes death is a answer to me. Lived my life and i think its over. I have been trying hard to fight it.

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