I don’t wanna do it anymore, I can’t. I won’t. I don’t have to.
Oh, wait. Yes, I do. Way to burst my bubble! How many of us just want to give up? Am I really the only one? Is my life so horrible that I would rather just go for a walk and never stop. Yes, it is. Or so I think it is, Yes i know I’m probably exaggerating. I get it, I’m selfish, and inconsiderate. Think of all the starving children in China, all the soldiers not at home, all the Syrians being bombarded with death. Yes I do know all that is much worse, okay. I’m not stupid. What I don’t get is why is everything SO hard. Why does everything have to suck. Why did I take my life down this road of crap. Why? Why? Why is what I ask myself daily. Why can I not just leave, Why would I have to feel bad, I don’t wanna be here, I’m sure deep down no one really wants me here. I would like to pack a bag, well my camera bag, and just leave. Leave to more destitute places, to find more hopeless people, to find a place where I can understand why my life just sucks. Yes I know that I’m lazy, I know that I’m not pretty, I know that I’m not skinny, hell I’m not even pleasant. I don’t even like being around myself. So why don’t I change you ask. I’ll tell you why, Why should I? I’m not happy with who I am, but I’m not happy with who I could be either. I don’t think to the future and say oh look I could be the one with the easy life if I just get off my ass and do something. Nope, all I think when I look to the future is oh wow, another day closer to it being over. Yes, I want to die. Did you catch that or was it too subtle. I’m not one of those suicidal people, oh okay, I am. But I’m definitely not one that likes pain, or honestly I would have done it when I was 14. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is the first time I wanted to kill myself. I even tried, but it hurt too much! lol.