Conflicted// How I met Dylan part 2
This is the story of how I slowly went insane.
‘Everything’s going to be alright.’ He told me, his voice cracked as he looked over at the broken person that I had become.
I didn’t know if it was from pity that he spoke up, or that something else might have been bothering him as he took in my shoken up state. I also had no idea whether to believe him or scream what had going on in the terrible place that I called my mind.
‘It began Dylan.’ My words came out as small sobs, little cries for help as to understand what exactly was going on with me, and how I could master it so I could gain myself back. ‘He began.’ I didn’t need to speak out loud what that held in, somehow his nod was enough for the both of us.
‘As I said, everything will be just fine.’ I cringed, I hated how he used the one word I despised the most. Fine. Nothing was ever fine. Nothing was ever not fine either. Fine was just an escape to what was really happening, it was a deceiving lie to the untrained sympathizer and an easy relief to those who don’t actually care. The many synonyms to it hurt me, but there was nothing worse than using the original description to lie to my face.
But I didn’t complain. I knew Dylan and I loved him too much to even feel somewhat angry towards him. He was the only thing I had, I’d never do anything to make him sad or feel any kind of hate for him. I needed him because I simply wouldn’t know what to do without him. And not like people obsessing over their phones and one day have to live without. They had other options. I had no other option besides him. Dylan was my only option. He had always been there for me and I could only hope he’d always be as well.
‘You’re strong. If anyone could make it through, it’s you, okay.’ I nodded. The tears had stopped because he didn’t like me being sad. He couldn’t even stand it and I didn’t want to act upon his dislikes if I wanted to keep him as close as possible.
‘I had almost given in already Dylan. He simply called me once and it felt so… delightful. His promising words were liberating, as if just listening to them would set me free. As if letting them bottle in my mind would spread exemption and as if letting them roll of my tongue would bring release.’ Admittance was a step to acknowledging the problem and fight against it, I reminded someone telling me once, but it just seemed as if my fears were speaking for themselves.
‘His promises are empty, and there are no guarantees if you choose for the evil.’ Dylan stated firmly, not once doubting his own words. ‘Tell me what he vowed to you.’
‘I can’t.’ I stuttered, his hand softly moved over mine as panic arose once again, turning the atmosphere in a hasty state of desperate flee-attempts.
It wasn’t just emotionally that I was unstable to apprise him and return to the state of bewilderment at what he opened up to me. But I had just seen visions, moving images of the terrifying fears living inside of me that he played against me.
‘It hurts too much.’ I admitted and he laid me back down onto the soft mattress.
‘Okay.’ He stared me straight in the eye as we both laid there in peaceful silence. My heart was still racing fast, and he noticed, laying that way there were only mere inches between our restless bodies.
‘Relax.’ He told me but I didn’t dare to close my eyes and risk being taken back into the endless spiral of the wrong path. When his lips met mine in a quick pain-relieving movement though, my worried thoughts died down and it was as if he had taken them within himself.
Breathing in my pain to take it away and make me feel that slightly more better.