I apologize for the following word before I write it!… FUCK, I wrote about four paragraphs throughout today and then my computer went and lost it all =( So Gutted.
So because I have nothing better to do with my life I will now start writing it all over again. So I began this entry due to the fact that the girl I had a huge crush on, that I wrote about in the first every entry I wrote in this journal got married yesterday and I am being plagued by the photos all over my Facebook news feed. Don’t get me wrong she looked fucking beautiful!…I suppose it just makes me think more about how much I would love to fall in love and get married to the girl of my dreams, but every time I see it happening to someone else, the thinking feeling that it won’t ever happen for me gets deeper. ='( Deep down I suppose I find it hard to believe it’s even possible that there is a happy ending for me.
On the upside I feel that recently my relationship with God has been randomly rejuvenated. Maybe it was Jen’s wedding, maybe it was just a touch from God when he saw I needed it most. What it was I will never know but i’m really going to try and make an effort to make sure that this Jesus stays part of my life. Faith is hard, especially in a society that shunts anything they don’t believe, but to be in the minority with Jesus is better than the majority any day. I have to say Jen & Andy getting married was definitely an inspiration, they have been together a long time and gone through good and bad together, without having sex, resisting temptation, solely relying on each others comfort and God’s strength to live their life. Watching them have their first dance and knowing they would be able to spend their very first night together was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed as was watching her earthly father walk her down the isle.
So having said that I have started trying to read daily devotionals as much as possible, and am going to start a bible reading plan again this evening and try and keep really focused with listening to worship, using a prayer app etcc..etcc.. I mean already I need to thank God for giving me opportunity, encouragement, grace and comfort he has already helped me with, and pray that he continues to grace me with it. I think i’m finally looking at the impending redundancy as perhaps a positive change and a new adventure rather than something that is detrimental to me . Prehaps this was always in Gods plan, perhaps I have done what I was needed to do there, learnt what I needed to learn? Who knows?…Only God knows this.
I suppose in some ways anything that is to easy to achieve just wouldn’t be worth it. It’s so nice to know that God is as forgiving as he is or I would be in real trouble. I can’t really remember anything else I wrote in the other entry that I lost. Although I do know that I wrote about my sister and well i’m not going to write that again I need to try and have some more grace with her and see that she is just like any other young person I work with.
Anyway before I loose this entry as well I going to leave it there save it and chill out and watch a new programme called The 100 before my weekend has disappeared and I am back at work again, it’s pretty stressful there at the moment to be honest.
So, Peace Out Lovers, Until The Next Time, Take Care xxxx
PS… I know one of the pictures below I have shared on a previous entry but I like it and i’m starting to think for once that it might actually be true!