Alone

How do I feel so alone in a house full of people. My head feels like it’s in a vice all the time, I can’t shake the constant urge of just running away. Juvenile, I know, but really am I the only one that feels this way. Surely not, there has to be someone out there whose internal conflicts are worse, you know the ones who kill themselves. Let’s not get me wrong, I think about it, alot! Well at least on a daily basis, I’m just too chicken shit to do it. It would hurt to bad…..lol. I just don’t know where to turn, which path to take, which glass is half full. They all look completely empty to me. I’m so pessimistic, it drives me completely insane. I don’t wanna feel this way, I want to be happy. Is that such a bad thing to want, is anyone ever really happy. How many smiling people a day do you think are really happy, or is it just a facade. I wonder if I could talk to someone that was really happy, with any aspect of their lives. How long does it last? Is it real? I see it as a perception thing I guess, a perception I just don’t have. Oh well, it is what it is. I can’t change it, even though I wish I could. I do know that I’m seriously tired of pretending. Yet, pretend on!!!

2 thoughts on “Alone”

  1. I’ve listed many different ways that I can kill myself. So no. You’re not the only one. I have the same thought when I see someone smile/laugh. It’s just weird. Just know what you’re not alone. I say this to myself a billion times. I DON’T know if things will ever be right for me, for you or anyone else who feels the same way. But we don’t give up breathing for some reason. All I have to say it ‘keep holding on’ That’s what I say to myself everyday.
    I don’t know you. but you’re a wonderful person. And someone, somewhere thinks about you, gives a shit about you. I just hope things will be alright in your life. Take care wonderful stranger!…. 😉

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