sometimes i just don’t know.

This would be my first time writing in this…and already I feel as though you understand more than anyone else. I have a husband and two sons. I love my husband to death but I don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything. that in no way is his fault at all. he just wouldn’t understand me no matter how hard he would try. I over think things. I can’t help it. my mind seems to do what ever it wants. but my mind is the scariest place I can go…it depresses me how dark my mind can get. I can’t shake it no matter how hard I want to be happy. and I so badly want to be happy. im not suicidal at all, I promise. I feel alone. I don’t have any friends and I don’t know how to make friends. I have really bad anxiety…people scare the crap out of me. I wish I were different. I don’t wish to be normal…just different. I hate feeling as though I have nothing when I have more than most. my heart is so heavy. filled with nothing but depression. everything brings me down. I hate the way my mind works. I need someone to understand….im constantly begging for someone to understand

2 thoughts on “sometimes i just don’t know.”

  1. You are not alone dear. I hear you loud and clear, your feelings are not unlike my own. I would say keep your head up, but what the heck I hate it when people say it to me. Just get your heavy heart to that bed tonight, the days will get better, and then they will get worse. Either way, the days will be there. I am here if you need to talk!!!!

  2. Wow! It’s like you put MY thoughts in to words. I want not to feel this way, not to be like this. Just live a normal but different life that I would be happy. That I wouldn’t have to go to bed with a load in my heart and mind and wish I don’t wake up.

    You are not alone. What I say to myself is that ‘Maybe someday, SOMEDAY, someone will understand and I’ll not feel this heaviness in me anymore. So wait for it! Keep your shit together!’ I don’t know if that will work but anyway I say it. Just so you know?… Maybe one day I will wish that I will see the sunlight again.

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