well it has been very long story and I won’t get into details from the past, but people have been opening up my eyes about my husband. Been together for 16 years and married for only three years. Nothing but controlling and manipulating. We have been having fights disagreements etc. He ended our marriage on saturday on July 12th. We haven’t talked for a couple of days and now he has been havng calls on his phone that he doesn’t answer. Well in a way I am happy that he has ended it but then again he asked me what do I want? I said well I want it to end too. It is done. So he goes to the store and comes back and he tells me that he knows what i said and he isn’t going to change your mind i want to talk. everything with him is talking. Stop talking and show me that you love me. He tells me that if I really want this and what went wrong with uis etc etc? He knows what has happened to us. He started the whole thing about if he knew what he knows now that he wouldn’t married me. And that he wanted to leave a couple of times. So this is like the 100th time that i’m giving him another chance. But he has to change too but he chooses not too. Sex wise he is into porn on the internet and he is addicted to this latin chick that he knows her name already. I have nothing to be jealous about but it is getting me pissed off cause when i want to suggest something sex wise with him he doesn’t want to do it. He wants a certain thing from me and i said no cause it is all about sex with him. We talk about what is going on with us and how to fix it but it seems like he wants to argue and then have sex. I want to make love but he thinks we are making love. No it isn’t. I want to be held and caressed and him making me happy and he hasn’t done that. we both agreed that we have to change and make things better for us and the house hold and i do my part and still he hasn’t done his yet. In the past 13 years before we got married he had a history of cheating with me with his ex wife. It took him 13 years to get a divorce. He was legally married but seperated. I was engaged with him for two years and then kept on hounding him about getting a divorce. I have opened up my eyes since this year. Since the beginning of this year he started ignoring me giving me the cold shoulder and blaming me for a lot that I didn’t do. He pushed me off the edge for a couple of months that a male friend started talking to me and telling me that what my husband is doing is controlling you and manipulating you. I never seen it. But I have now. He has been hiding money from me when he got his income tax this year in february and he didn’t give me a dime of it. He went to new york long island and three months later my sister calls me and tells me that two of her closest friends told her that he was with someone else. But the other two girls denied it to me. And my husband wanted me to tell my sister off for lying to me and being in our business. But the reason why she told me was that the person he was with has hiv. But I really don’t think he would something like that. But then again I don’t know who my husband is anymore. I fell out of love with him this year and I have no trust in him. I told him in order for this to work you have to show me that i can trust you. He tells me that I have to let that shit go. If I can’t let it go we can’t move on. I said besides the cheating he has disrespected me he hasn’t been there for me in years. I can’t get a job cause he always ahve to say something bad about retail work. That it doesn’t pay much at all. I can’t do my sewing cause he says that that won’t bring home any money at all. I want to go to school and he says that it is late for me to go that i need a job instead. I lost two great friends of mine. one i still talk to which is my best friend but she doesn’t come over like she used too. which was about a year and half ago. The other one gave me about 4 reasons why she stopped talking and coming over. But she emailed me. I haven’t been happy in years really. I want to do so much but I don’t have any money. He was demanding me to say I was in love with him again and I didn’t and he was mad. But while we were having sex. He got me scared cause after we had sex my whole hand was shaking and I looked like I had arthritis. Then the next day he wanted to have sex and I said no and he kept on trying and i kept on saying no and he smiled and he said we are going to have sex. I said no cause what happened the other day. He turned me over and was massaging my back and he put his you know what in me. To me he forced me knowing he knew i didn’t want to.
But now since yesterday he I guess changed my mind and giving us another chance. I seriously don’t know if he trying to over ride my thoughts or maybe he is willing to change now. I don’t know. I do love him but then again I don’t want to be in a controlling relationship. I have three kids with him. One is 15 the other 11 and my 6 year old special needs children. I’m scared to make this public cause I don’t know if he will ever see this…..