Hello my anonymous, yet public diary !
That was probably the worst way of starting a diary entry, but it says a lot about my diary writing experience, so i guess it´s fine this time. I have, funny enough, tried to write a diary, both on the computer and in an actual diary book and every time it lasted for about three days maybe. I constantly forced myself into writing about my days and feelings, even though it didn´t really inspire or help me. It had worked for many other people in my life and thereby I still somehow thought that it could work for me. What I didn´t realize until a few days ago is that a diary doesn´t have to contain any specific rules, by means of that you always have to write about what you have done throughout the day and how you felt about it. It might seem stupid and ridiculous that I have been thinking that there are rules for how you should write your diary and believe me that´s how I feel, stupid that is, and it makes me smile right now. I guess that I´ve just been exposed to some norms through media, friends and school that have told me that it is good to write about your day and feelings since it helps us to be more self aware and can also cope with some problems in our lives. Because of this I believed that it would be healthy and better if I did just that and since I didn´t enjoy it, it didn´t last. This stopped motivating me to write anything.This was a fairly long time ago but the negativity about it have been stuck for a long time as well.
Now I got a flow of motivation to write, since many things have changed in me and my life. To be completely honest the series “Awkward” have inspired and motivated me too. To be able to choose to write anonymously, but still have the privilege to show it publicly. Yes Ms attentionhore might be somehow involved in this decision, however it just feels very relieving and exciting to write about everything between strawberries and the stars of the universe and show it to people I don´t know. You never know how people who read this, if they even read this, react. They might be inspired, agree, agree to disagree, feel touched, feel numb, feel hungry, feel absolutely nothing, laugh, cry or feel that they can relate to it and maybe it can help someone out there, you never know and you never will know if you don´t do something. Anyhow, this diary is for me to be able to write about whatever I´m feeling like writing about and whenever I feel like writing, no rules, no restrictions, just pure randomness or makesenseingness (look this diary made me invent a new word, it is already useful to me) Also it might decrease the amount of intense discussions, interviews and other speech activities I tend to have with myself, although I´m not sure it will and although I´m not sure I want to.
Now thank you and goodbye my electronic friend!