I want to start by saying I don’t want this to be a typical journal filled with typical problems. Nor do I want it to be dull or lacking sense or logic. I also know being switched on, quick and to-the-point for me isn’t possible every time I speak or write. Letting my beliefs and judgements get the better of me for the sake of being right (even if I’m wrong and don’t realise it) happens to me more often than I like.
I like truth. I am a truth seeker, though not in every way possible. I mostly look for truth in action or expression in myself and others and in information related to keeping fit in body, mind and soul. One of my most difficult questions though; am I free of disease that effects the mind? or am I free of underlying subconscious lies or hurt that restrict me from knowing truth, inside and out? and is anybody truly free, in this sense? I keep in consideration that disease or general ill health of body, emotion or soul, will also affect the mind as all parts of the whole affect each other in many ways. Today there is disease everywhere, whether it be in the minds of stupid people, or the physical or emotional bodies of otherwise forgotten people. Disease can even effect us with no consciously recognizable symptoms. So many of us live as if we have to live in patterns, as if there’s no more to life than the standard. How can any of us say there is right and wrong, when there are so many definitions of both? and that so many opinions and beliefs, if not all of them are all influenced by our minds reaction to events and information and what we’ve been told by others or by our intuition?
In retrospect, my life since leaving high school has almost been a giant “waste” of time. Not in the sense that I chose the wrong people to be friends with, or education to learn, or jobs to have but that I chose many of these things based on experiences in my life I wasn’t prepared for, and generally making decisions with biased beliefs or opinions. Now is as better time to admit to myself and to anyone else that may or may not have already figured this out that my mothers death had a massive impact on the way I thought and acted; far more than I ever would have guessed. Even now I doubt my sense of certainty that I understand the full extent of the true depth of the event in my psyche.
The event shaped/effected my life, and as much as I regret allowing mums death influence my choices in learning, it wasn’t a complete loss. Besides, whether she died or not, I don’t doubt my interests, education or friends would be -that- much different. Though I cannot ascertain how my mental health would be, or if I would be in as fortunate a situation as I be now. The event lead me to believe in groups of people in which their stereotype would portray truth, but I found inconsistencies and lies. Even the seemingly most loving people and groups are susceptible to malevolence and underhandedness.
This is an issue I have at foremost in my mind; how can I be certain of my health, and how can I be certain of the best courses of action for the future. I feel torn by tragedy and anger that’s present in the world, and my judgement of whats real and whats not. Does anyone, or any group of people, really have what it takes to light the way to the success of the planet in eradicating true negativity? or will this reality always be plagued and lead by deluded and psychotic or otherwise considered stupid and ignorant people? He says this, She says that, They say down, They say up, This That and The Other.
They say truth is to be found in ones self. Through quiet contemplation and meditation, or other insightful and awareness building practices we can promote and live a happier, healthier life full of love and lots of other hippy peace love stuff. Really, the stereotype does no justice to the truth of the experience (for any readers who are literally skeptical and judgemental of living with awareness, health and philosophy).
In sadness and humility, I would ask that people consider what they can really do for themselves and the world. There are so many lines and divisions between us, preventing us from seeing the bigger picture. Patriotism should be global and not just confined to one country or nation. I feel weak in the sense that I cannot be the person to be the best for everyone, or perhaps, anyone. They say, to free the world you must free yourself first. As true as this is, in a world that rejects the notion of true equality, freeing one’s self feels extremely difficult. The actions of the worlds leaders are as misleading as the notion of a singular god which controls the destiny our race, our planet and of the universe. Or at least as conspiracists and skeptics would have me believe. The evidence is compelling, yet somehow these leaders are governing our race. Our society is only as good as it’s leaders, not the other way around. They set the temperament, they set the stage and the speech which echoes into society.
I wish to be full of wisdom, courage, happiness and acceptance, in order to be of service to the ones I love, and to deliver it to them without anger, disappointment, annoyance, or ignorance. I believe truth will bring sovereign to our people, although it can have devastating impact, causing violent or otherwise negative reactions in those who would perhaps at first deny the truth. Also to consider there are many truths, many of which will conflict
But to be full of wisdom, courage, happiness and acceptance means a few things. As does living successfully and honourably with focus and discipline without losing humour and wit.
This is my life journey. To embody wisdom, to be courageous, to feel happiness and to accept myself and others the way they are. To honour lifes diversity and to focus on positivity. To utilize discipline, while retaining a light, humble, humourous and switched on approach to all situations.
I might keep this journal going. Maybe. Bye!