SO TIRED!

 Why does my life have to be this way, constantly having to please everyone. Constantly having to obey and being forced to carry a mask pretending that everything is OK, that things are perfect and I am happy. Why DO I have to pretend that I am, when the truth is I feel like I am about to die within, so torn and twisted in my heart and soul, it feels like I am constantly being stepped upon by everyone. I cry when no one sees me, and it feels like I am chocking not able to breath. I am constantly afraid to express what I feel and how everyone are making me feel. Why can’t I be allowed to live the life I want? Why do I have to sacrifice myself so that others are happy? Don’t I have a saying in my life without having to feel guilty about it? My husband always expects me to smile and act as if everything is fine, and the moment I try to speak up he badmouths me, exploads making everything about him and how bad I am. Why can’t he see how deep he has made me fall apart,  how much in my life that I have given up for him and the constant sacrifices only so there is peace at home and he behaves nicely. I don’t know how far I can keep this up. I am soooo SO TIRED!!!

 

2 thoughts on “SO TIRED!”

  1. I entered my first journal yesterday, for the sole purpose of thoughts for a Woman with the very same “shoe’s” as you.
    Your entry is a chilling echo of her reality. You are not alone.

    A year later, I hope your situation has improved.

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