Withdrawn

My husband told me yesterday that his former boss committed suicide.  This brought up a lot bad things that I’ve been trying to so hard to bury deep down inside.  Four years ago I lost my best friend, Chassy, to suicide.  I recently learned that a few months ago my other best friend tried to commit suicide.  She took a bunch of pills and they found her unresponsive.  As a result she was admitted to the psych ward and is now back on medication.  She is now home of course and back with her children.  I’m just so tired of this suicide crap.  Maybe that sounds selfish on my part…  I know they hurt.  But suicide takes away the pain and gives it to others.  

On top of that we just buried my husband’s friend last month.  I am also still deeply saddened by the death of my grandmother who was more like a mother to me.  

I’m trying so hard to pull out of this funk.  I guess part of the problem is that I haven’t taken the time to grieve.  I try everything to get around doing that.  I don’t like to think about those things.  Who does?  Grieving sucks.  

As a result of all this I am a bit moody…  My family has definitely taken notice.  I don’t expect them to understand.  I’d rather just stay withdrawn until I pull through again.  I just want to be alone… Kind of hard to do being a mother of 5 year old triplets.  

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