50 Shades of wrenching heartaches.

I’ve cried so hard over the first part of the Fifty Shades of Grey-trilogy.

Somehow I just love their love.


(spoiler alert)


Smitten from the beginning, I was going over the pages filled with what many may seem as inappropriate and mature. Too mature for just a kid of 15, too much explicit scenes that even adults flush from. The book isn’t really just about that.

Yes, the descriptive erotic moments come and go easily but times have changed, we know way more now than you folks ever did. No offense, I didn’t take any either.

Besides all that, there’s a story. A beautiful story of a troubled man named Christian Grey. He meets Anastasia Steele by accident really, but he picks on her to be his next victim without anyone suspecting a thing. Except when he moves closer, testing his waters and ready to indulge yet another person in his less common sexual desires he notices that Miss Steele is not his allday submissive.

He wants her and her innocence bad and therefore he changes. He changes for her, maybe not even acknowledging it at first but he starts needing her presence rather than her body, needing her witty comments coming from her smart mouth, needing her undeniable love for him that he know he can’t return.

She fell for the mystery that is Mr. Grey. She was determined to uncover what was so bad about him, just because she had fallen for him badly. Her love develops(, their love?) develops through rules and limits, and compromises that one has never dared to make before.

They both try so hard, and I cannot help but smile genuinely at them.

When I read, I indulge myself, I bring myself into scene and I live the fantasy.

That’s why it’s always a hard smack when I hit back to Earth and there are no pages left of my escape route.

“I don’t do romance.” He said. But romance is what got me into this, what made me smile as it evoluated throughout and made me cry when it came to an end.

The two following up books won’t be safe from my feelings that get spilled easily on pages with heart wrenching words on them that play with my thoughts and turn my mind into a state of enlivenment. But I am still mourning over the end of the debut. “That moment when your OTP breaks, that moment where you break.” 

Ana and Christian came together even though they had differences, many and big differences. It’s what I loved about their relationship. As time passed, as they grew closer, they learned to overlook and agree to one another’s thought which always seems very important to me at least. It was one of their matching traits to put aside the stubbornness for a while and love each other (although on conditions which seemed to loosen up and change among time). When that formed the problem of their break at the end it couldn’t have been worse.

It’s honestly why there were bitter yet fulfilled tears streaming down my face after finishing up. I already miss the cute moments they could share with each other and I’m anticipated to continue.

Love is such a complicated, indescribable, butterfly-popping, fairytale-told, anxious making  feeling.



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