First entry

So, decided to start keeping a journal;  hoping it will help to start clearing all the anger and hate out of my mind.  I’m so lost right now, I have a lot of goals but no , I don’t know, I guess ‘motivation’ to implement them.  There are so many things that I want to do for myself, but I find no support.   A lot of people lean on me, but I have no one.  My friends are really selfish and either cannot or do not care to offer even emotional assistance to me.  I have come to terms with the fact that I’m on the cusp of change and I think it unsettles me.  Im fighting back more and more against Dan, who I know doesn’t mean to isolate me, but the fact is he does.  My whole life I have let others control how I feel and that needs to stop.  It felt really good to take off for a few hours the other night, and in return Dan went fishing with a friend.  He took Evie with him which I think is good.  It is difficult because I think its important for both of us to have some free time to ourselves in order to still be individuals, however it always falls on me to take care of the kids.  He doesn’t understand while he is at work I’m with the children, when he’s at home, I’m with the children, he goes to the store, gets gas for the car, pays all the bills.  We only have one car and live in the country so this means I am home ALL the time.  We try to be outdoorsy and get out, we have little money so the outdoors is free… naturally we are drawn to that.  I’ve gotten so damn fat now that its difficult, but I know its good for me so I do it.
In conclusion to my first entry, I think I need some freakin confidence.  That’s what I’m getting out of today’s entry.

One thought on “First entry”

  1. Stay strong and write on! I feel like you are emotionally drained. Keep writing in your journal and some of those frustrations will be vented out. <3

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