so confused don’t know what to think!!!!!!!~

ok everything was going well with hubby and I. but I feel this whole things is so fake. I don’t want to act fake at all. I want to be happy. Yesterday he called me and told me to meet him at the gas station so i can get free gas. Ok great. I went and he was driving his best friends car and his friend was driving the company truck. It was funny that I got gas and they didn’t add gas to the car or company truck. So I told hubby I was going to walmart to get dinner and get a drink. I already had given him twenty bucks for breakfast and lunch. He only had 10 bucks left, and he asked me for more money. The money I didn’t want to spend was for my cell phone bill. I wasn’t planning on giving him any money at all cause what he did to me with his income tax money. Which isn’t right and I know it. Two wrongs don’t make it right, but I still gave him money. He didn’t ask for it he told me to give him the money. But knowing me I am too nice to him even though I was screwed for so many years. Anyway, he asked me for ten more dollars and I said no I have to get dinner. I asked him what is the reason for more money? He said i have to get cigarrettes and something to eat for lunch. Ok you have enough there. Something didn’t sound right to me. So I gave him five dollars. Then I left to the store. I came back cause he wanted me to pick him up from work. Now that didn’t sound right either. he is done with work but he wanted money for lunch knowing I was going home. SO when I pulled up to his job I didn’t realise that he was pulling up right behind me. But he was supposed to be at his job doing something. Thats what he told me. He had to do something, and he didn’t want me waiting so he told me to go to the store and get dinner and come back he should be done. He wasn’t at work. He was joy riding with his friends car. but when I asked him where did you come from he said in the corner. But where? He said over there. But he wouldn’t answer me the right way. I wasn’t sure if he was following me or he ended up staying at the gas station where he was at talking to someone he wasn’t supposed to or what? I don’t know. This morning he tells me that he had a great dream about we having a rv and driving to new york and having fun with the family. But then again he told me that it was mostly about the money issue and stressing is the reason we were arguing and fighting and blaming each other. Which isn’t true. I know when all this started happening. But he said enough about who’s money belongs too. He is saying that cause on saturday I came home from doing laundry and I went to the office and ripped down my horse posters. I love horses but I needed a change in my life. If I don’t change for myself i’m not going to be happy. If I don’t stick up for myself then I will always be down. So he wasn’t to thrilled about that i’m going to change. So out of the blue he comes out and he tells me wether or not I am in love with him he isn’t going anywhere. The only way he will be leaving is if I tell him too. Then comes out that I had to tell him why i was mad. Also it is because of my parents criticing me all the time about my kids and clothes etc. He called me into the bathroom while he is in the shower and I told him that he needs to get checked up cause the kids need him. He said you never said you needed me. I said don’t we all need one another? Which I don’t need him. I do but then I don’t. He is making me feel that I don’t need him. But then he tells me that don’t I show you that I need you and that i love you? I said you haven’t showed me that you do. You can say it all you want but you have to show me. He oh thats where I stand huh? I said yes. But then again he doesn’t speak to me for a few minutes then he talks to me like we never spoke about it. I don’t know what to think or say about this anymore.

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