The process of letting go..
One of the hardest processes there is.
It’s inevitable in some situations, it’s necessary in order to heal even though healing is painful.
When all you want is that one person and you feel it within your soul
How do you begin to let go?
How do you pass the time when it’s all consuming?
When every fiber of your being desperately wants to just be with them?
Memories flood your mind constantly, everything you shared, experienced, it will never be forgotten only fade with time… or will it?
Something so strong that it can totally destroy you inside, but will you ever rebuild?
How can you when everything is so fresh in your mind even though time has already passed?
You can remember looking into their eyes, their soul…the way that felt.
Knowing that in that moment your soul recognized the authenticity in another person in a way it never had before.
A love that you had only felt in your dreams, so pure and overwhelming that you never knew it existed on earth.
A love that overwhelmed you, overpowered you because it was so great.
You just want to experience it again, but not with someone else, you just want it back with that one person so bad.
They are all you still want.
You still remember the feeling you got the first time you saw them
The chemistry you felt even just to be near them within those first few minutes
Overwhelming from the beginning in a way that felt so right, so natural
The way it felt to be in their arms
The way it felt to kiss them
The feeling of their bare skin on yours
The simplicity of even them holding your hand sent love through your body
The way the love poured over you each time they touched you, looked at you, you felt it so deep.
You go to sleep and wish they were there
You dream about being with them only to awaken empty and alone
You wish they were there
You wish you never ever left, your gut feeling told you to never leave but circumstantially you had to.
Your soul knew where it needed to be and still does.
You gave them a part of your soul, you gave them something so sacred and you can never get it back.
You question over and over what if you had done things differently
What if you had respected boundaries, what if you had more trust, what if you gave them more respect?
What if your brain hadn’t been poisoned by bullshit from external factors?
It hurts, you don’t want to let go, but you have to, the words have already been spoken.
You are stubborn and want to keep to your word and you know they are too, so you’re left with no choice.
Now you remember even more memories you want to live in them forever
You want to freeze time and live in those moments forever just as you did when you were experiencing them.
That random time they held your hand
That random time they touched your back
That random time they kissed you out of nowhere
The last time you got to kiss and hold them, feel yourself enveloped in their embrace.
You try as hard as you can to avoid thinking about them but the thoughts won’t stop coming.
The tears won’t stop coming.
You try to force yourself to do other things but your mind keeps returning back.
You try not to look at the pictures because they haunt you.
Your phone goes off and you desperately want it to be them but know it won’t be and it hurts no matter who it is because you just want it to be them.
You re-read texts where they said they love you over and over and over.
Just one word, one word to just acknowledge they still think about you.
You listen to songs over and over that you listened to together to remember.
You just want to hear their voice because it comforts you, but you can’t.
It’s all a part of the process, the painful process of letting go.