Not Right

My ex of 6 years and my ex right after him being all buddy buddy adding each other on Facebook… didn’t even tell me..I figured this out on my own. Not only does it make me uncomfortable but I don’t get it. My ex of 6 years and I broke up because I developed feelings for the other guy….. makes no sense to me at all. I ask my ex why they are friends on Facebook and he says because he knows that he’s not going to be around much longer. They also skype…. wtf?! Would I want to skype with a person that my ex left me for?! No. I don’t get it, he also was all buddy buddy with my ex before him for a long time, for all I know he still talks to him.

I’m sick as fuck like why even come back to take care of me for a little while then make me feel like shit because I am “making you put all your plans on hold, your life on hold”. Go live your fucking life nobody is stopping you. He was the one that decided to put his life on hold, he said he would take care of me as a friend until I am healed. Maybe because I don’t want a relationship with him he wants to get back at me by one day up and leaving me like he did our whole relationship. If that’s what he just plans on doing then I hope it hurts to see me bawl my eyes out over someone I love with everything inside me every single day. How can people be so fucking maliscious, threatening to leave me while I am sick constantly making me stress out even more.

I feel like a fucking burden to everyone, I just want to get healthy and well and not have all these toxic people in my life. Every day I feel like the fact that I have ruined everyone’s lives is thrown in my face, I am losing the will to live more and more. I can’t constantly stress out about whether one day I’ll be left alone when I am this sick and try and make it through. How could someone even do that to someone… constantly play head games… saying “one day I’m going to leave, but I don’t know when and you won’t know when”.

Now I wish more than anything I had never left the place and person where I felt safest…I wish I had never fucked that shit up. I will not be able to do this on my own it’s already hard enough everyday with help and feeling alone even though I’m not alone. My heart and soul are gone completely just gone…what is the point.

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