I thought I didn’t miss him but apparently not bc I had a dream and hugged me in it and it felt so real and I guess I never really realized how much I missed that. Weird bc I woke up and he had messaged me with the usual ”Hey baby” but he hasn’t spoke to me in weeks and I’m really confused I wish he would just tell me how he feels instead of ignoring me 99% of the time until he’s bored or Lucy (My friend) isn’t online. I basically think that he’s into Lucy but I just want a straight answer because I am a nice person and I don’t deserve my feelings to be hurt like this anymore. I am just confused because he told me he liked me and I told him I liked him too and things were fine but all of a sudden (literally like the next week, it was that sudden) he was ignoring me and talking to Lucy and flirting with her. But sometimes he says he misses me which ok I can understand bc I miss him too but I miss him like an hour after we fall out or something whereas he misses me like 2 weeks after, no one ever loves me as much as I love them. It doesn’t help with Lucy being the prettiest little nugget ever bc I look like a potato and my nose is huge and I’m so fat and I want to loose 4 stone and I’m starting to feel more depressed again. Also Lucy is supposed to be my bestest chummy but she’s flirting with him and also she sides with him when we disagree and she tells me to get a grip like last time I told her I wasn’t eating she basically told me to get over it and stop complaining (but then she apologized a few hours later). I feel like the only true friend I have at the moment is Beth and Tyler and Lucy knows how hard it is to let someone into my life like this so why would she flirt with him? Maybe she doesn’t understand that she’s hurting me or flirting with him but I think she knows to a certain extent yet she still doesn’t stop. I told her all of this (most of it, just the basics like idk if he likes me) and she told me to stop complaining and ask him which is harder than it sounds bc 1, I dont wanna look like a complete idiot if he says no and 2, he should tell me himself and 3, I’m so socially awkward it’s a lot more difficult in my situation rather than hers and she needs to understand that. I have been procrastinating so much and binging and its making me so fat I want to throw it all up.
I didn’t even wanna submit this but it’s like a weight off my shoulders so why not.