August 25, 2014

I don’t know how to start a journal. I’ve tried to keep one before. Multiple times. I never get past three days.

Maybe that’s the problem. Why does it matter that I’ve never maintained one? If 1 entry a year helped me, then what the hell?

Okay. Let’s get the introductions out of the way:

I’m a 17 year old from a small town in the midwest. I feel the need to write in this journal because I have no friends that I feel truly close to. Occasionally, a person will come and take me in and make me feel like I could live inside their friendship forever, but then they remind me that they have closer friends they’ll lean on instead of me.

Okay, sorry. Too deep for a basic introduction.

I have a close family, but I feel suffocated (I’m a teenager, so that’s how it’s supposed to be).
I have never had a boyfriend, and I’ve only just had my first kiss a month ago (with a cute boy from AR).
I have two siblings, a dog, and a cat.
I got a license and car just a week and a half ago, which is weird for someone in this area.
I’m lonely. I’m uptight. I’m compulsively shy. I have major issues with confrontation. I’m here because I need an outlet.
Desperately.

Okay, vent time.

My two best friends have decided to become absolutely inseparable from another girl. How am I supposed to handle that? All they do is talk about how much fun they had this weekend with someone else.
It’s so upsetting because we’ve been through so much. We’ve lost so many friends, yet we always stayed together… The only other person I consider myself close to has, like, 50 best friends. I’m probably about #23 on that list. When she’s normally my #1, that stings a little, but whatever.
I’ve never had a best friend like movies (or even what happens around me in real life), so why does is sting so badly now? Because in a yea, I’ll be moving away. I’ll have nothing to tie me to this place other than some shitty memories and loneliness. I want to miss something when I leave, but more than that, I want someone to miss me.

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