I feel as if I have no one to talk to who would understand. I love someone who treats me like shit. He didn’t used to. He once made me extremely happy. Then we broke up and a year later got back together. He was a changed person. He went from being a man who was emotionally supportive, to a selfish child hell bent on making me suffer. I feel like I can’t walk away because I love him so much. I remember how he was and hope he will go back to that. I’m so afraid he won’t. My doctor told me I have cancer. The sad part is I was kind of hoping this would change him to being a good person. But it didn’t. He is still the same selfish asshole. He refuses to have sex with me. Says he is just too tired. I’m not even fat or ugly. He just hates me. He tells me he loves me all the time. That I am his everything. Then he can’t even remember to bring me a water. Oh and he never forgets his friends, or his weed, or anything else that makes him happy. They use him for rides and money and he is too fucking stupid to see that. I fucked up a long time ago. I was married when we met. My husband and I were only together because of our families. We didn’t really care about each other. He left and we both started new life’s. But he came back. And we were still married. We tried making it work but we just couldn’t. We both loved other people. And now we both are facing losing the ones we love because of our loveless marriage. I wish they could grow up and realize we gave up our families for them. But they can’t see it. I am used by my family for money and time and energy. And used by my boyfriend for money and time and energy. Sometimes I wish the cancer would take me so I don’t have to deal with this anymore. I’ve tried so hard trying to make everyone else happy that I made myself miserable. Now the one person who can make me happy treats me like shit. He gets violent when he is angry, distant when he does something wrong, never feels sorry for any or his actions. I wish I could turn my emotions off. Why must a person feel so much for someone and have no feelings returned. I fucking hate life. Why can’t we get what we want. Everyone would be happy. What is wrong with a little happiness?