I feel something so right for feeling the wrong things.

How can I not be broken at watching myself spill the lies to him and fake the smile that’s supposed to cover it all?


If I go and try

to fix this all

I’ll only come out a failure.


Why is it so hard to not be able to tell

whether what I feel is wrong or not?

And if I think it is truly not meant to be, if my feelings betray me and are just a burden to my deeds

if I give up.

Then I am in need of giving up on him

because everything I told him, about the both of us not being a “we”.

would be a total lie I’d have to free myself from.


All the thoughts we shared, the talks we had, the laughs that never ended, the smiles that weren’t faked.

I wish they’d outweigh my feelings for you.


But they don’t.

Because I’m just living the wrongest fantasy of genuinely loving you.


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