“i do….Do i really? “

so I have been asked this question quite a few times. .. After 2 unhappy and unsuccessful marriage, DO I STILL WANT TO GET MARRIED AGAIN? DO I REALLY? ..

As I was driving home after dropping  the boys at school, Yiruma’s famous  RIVER FLOWS IN YOU insrumental piano music came up on my Spotify.I couldnt help but feel  lost in lala-land for a minute. That song just gets me . For some reason, everytime I hear that song, all I can see is Me, on my white beautiful wedding dress , walking down the isle to finally be with the Man im destined to spend the rest of my life with.

To the the people that knows much about me and my past,… I have never walked down the isle.Yes, I got married twice, but No,.. I have NOT walked down the isle,..at all.. There was no wedding.There was a signed marriage but no wedding.

Ever since I was a kid, as young as 5 or 6 I have always pictured myself, walking down the isle on a nice beautiful white wedding dress. I was that Barbie, getting dressed for a nice fancy wedding to a light skinned masculine Ken in a  pink dollhouse. After all, its every girls dream to be on that WHITE wedding dress, right.?

31 years later, ..here I am, on my breakfast table, sipping cold coffee, sitting  infront of my manmade complex lake , watching ducks passing by.

A HAPPY SINGLE MOTHER OF 4 WONDERFUL KIDS. After 2 failed marriages, here I am , still hoping and waiting for my masculine brown haired KEN .

Have I not learned? ..Yes! I have learned that when you go into marriage with someone , without asking yourself the most important questions that would matter not only on that day but for the years to come, sure enough, you would be waking up on that couch, alone and miserable.

DO I STILL WANT TO GET MARRIED AGAIN?  Yes !  with the RIGHT reason this time, with the RIGHT man this time, at the RIGHT time, ..I will.

Im not a big sucker for LOVE<…ok, yes, Im lying I AM,..lol. and I do know that , somewhere, , my brown haired Ken is out there, waiting for me, down that isle.

xoxo,
mary

 

 

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