And fuck

Every night at this time I always lose it, I get so sad because I wish I could talk to the one person that could comfort me. The only one that could comfort me..

But that is me being fucking selfish because I miss them, I need to let them heal it’s not fair to them they deserve more than I can give them at the moment.

There isn’t a second of the day that I don’t think of them, I dream of them, not a second passes that I don’t wish I could just talk to them or be with them again.

I should have never left never ever ever ever left.
Kills me.

I just wish things would have ended up different, fucking manipulative haters.
Ruined everything beautiful to me, the only beautiful thing I had in this whole world.

Now I obsess over it, I obsess over him and the feeling he gave me.
I obsess over the feeling I felt when I looked into his eyes.
I obsess over the feeling I felt every time he touched me.
I obsess over the love I felt so deeply, more deeply than I had ever felt for anyone or anything.

Yet I was still so fucking naive so blind and easily swayed but idiots who wanted to hurt me.
Now I’m just dissillusioned by the whole situation.
When someone tells me not to talk to them again I respect it, balls in your court.

If they wanted to contact me they would, but I won’t go begging for contact…fuck that.
They wanted respect, they wanted their boundaries to be respected so I am giving them that.
It’s so fucking hard, so damn hard because even their voice calms me.

Why things had to get so fucked, why things had to get so manipulated I don’t know.
There are no answers, all I know is I am head fucked so damn bad.. I just want them and I’ll still only want them for a very long time.

I won’t let anyone touch me they don’t deserve it, I don’t want it.
I’m just fucked…completely fucked and I just fucking want them so bad…. so bad I’d do anything.
Fuck.

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